The rejection game – how to overcome the fear of rejection

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The rejection game – how to overcome the fear of rejection

Rejection – where does it come from? What part does it play in our lives?

And why is it that men globally seem to suffer tremendously from it, constructing and shaping entire lives and lifestyles, even in the subtlest of ways, so as to avoid feeling rejected? Be it from a potential lover, friend, employer or family member, be it something present or a past memory, feeling rejected is something that we are all familiar with, but what exactly is it?

The word ‘reject’ comes from the Latin term ‘reiectus’, which means ‘to throw away, cast away or vomit’. In the 1550s the word was associated with the term ‘castaway’, which in the 1800’s came to hold the meaning of ‘a thing cast aside as unsatisfactory’. In the 1900’s however, the term came to be used in a more personal context, referring to a ‘person considered low-quality and worthless’. So, rejection therefore could be defined as being ‘the action of throwing away or casting aside something that is considered unsatisfactory, of low-quality or of being of no worth’.

The act of rejection therefore in itself is not actually a bad thing. One might for example reject rotten vegetables in the supermarket, casting them aside because they are not of good quality, choosing something that is fresher, healthier and far more fitting for the body. This would be an understandable move as we all know the consequences of eating rotten food, and it’s not pretty. So, our ability to discern something and reject it based on our assessment of its quality is in fact a necessary and important life skill. Without it we would find ourselves accepting everything without question, making ourselves rather sick in the process.

But from what gauge or measure are we deciding to reject the things that we do? Imagine if what a man considers to be trash in one moment, he later realises is in fact a universal treasure? It would certainly be a ‘suck eggs’ moment.

Everybody knows that the feeling of being rejected sucks. It goes without saying, it is uncomfortable and every part of our body wants to run away from it –– it makes sense why men have a fear of rejection and why we would do everything in our power to avoid it. When we feel rejected it can feel like all of us, or parts of us, have been considered unsatisfactory, of low quality or worthless, much like the rotten vegetables in the supermarket.

But… we are not vegetables. We don’t have use-by dates that justify us being pushed aside and deemed unworthy. We are people who, at the heart of it, are all by nature equal. Interestingly, so too is it that the moment we feel accepted, appreciated and confirmed, all feelings of rejection dissipate and settlement in our body returns, as if the rejection never existed in the first place. So we, unlike vegetables, can be revived at any time to a state of wholeness, returning to a space where it’s as if that feeling of rejection never existed: this space is always inside of us.

So how true is rejection then? And why do we fear rejection? What if within each and every man is an essence that no matter what he does or what he chooses, always remains untouched and pure? One that is simply waiting for us to step into it and embrace, as opposed to stepping aside and rejecting it?

We live in a world where socially we have rejected the qualities of a man in his true expression. We look at men in their tenderness, in their sweetness and we label them with slurs like gay, faggot or pussy. In school or in any group, we ostracise those who don’t conform, bullying them until they do, and in our homes often it’s those closest to us who struggle to accept us when we’re in that state. So it’s understandable why a man might choose not to stay in his essence and live his life from another space – it would be a ballsy thing to do otherwise.

At the end of the day however, regardless of what is happening outside of us, or no matter what is going on for others, it is we who choose to embrace or reject our essence – no one else can choose that for us. So when we feel rejected, who in truth is doing the rejecting?

"Rejection is you not ACCEPTING you… others are involved when you need them to ACCEPT what you do not."

Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings & Revelations, Volume I. 1st ed. p 71

Often when we feel rejected we think it comes from another, but in truth if we reject ourselves then it is our rejection that we live in, everything thereafter is but an outplay of our creation.

We have a choice – to connect to our essence, which remains untouched and pure, confirming and living from our natural beauty; or choose not to, reject it and then look to others to try and make ourselves feel better, initiating a lifelong descent into changing and altering ourselves according to the whim and fancy of what is outside of us.

"To seek outside of oneself in an effort to resolve any dilemma is a futile and illusionary foray; for the root of any ill is due to the fact of the missing inner-most."

Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings and Revelations, Volume II. 1st ed. p 260

When we feel rejection it’s actually not something to avoid or fear, it’s an awesome opportunity for us to stop and re-consider

  • Where is it that we have rejected ourselves?

  • Where is it that we made ourselves unsatisfactory, of low quality or of being unworthy?

  • Where is that we have not accepted ourselves, in full, in our natural expression, and sought acceptance from others?

  • Where have we disempowered ourselves to something outside of ourselves and allowed ourselves to make trash out of a natural treasure?

Rejection therefore is nothing but a game we choose to play; one that we enter into by choice and then use others like pawns, strategically placing them around a chessboard to hide the fact that it is we who have given up on ourselves and deemed ourselves unworthy, when in truth, at the core of it, we are in fact quite the opposite – we are as men by nature magnificent, beautiful, tender, sweet, strong and powerful, all in one.

We reject ourselves long before we feel the rejection of others, so our only task in beating rejection is to accept who we are and not reject it – no matter what.


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AppreciationSelf-worthRelationshipsAcceptanceConfidenceBullyingRejection

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    By Martin Gladman

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    To sketch, paint and question life. To cook, laugh and wonder why. To hug, hum and appreciate the sky, to look into another's eyes. These are some of the reasons Joseph loves life and is inspired to contribute to this amazing site.