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The first time I picked up a book written by Serge Benhayon I read a page and then put it down.

I knew that one day I would read it but somehow, now was not the right time. A few weeks later I picked up the book again and this time it felt different. There were parts of the book that confirmed feelings that I had had in the past, but I had been unsure as to where to go or what to do with them. This felt amazing – that maybe there was someone else out there who had the same thoughts and feelings, and that maybe there was something more to them than just strange ideas that no one else understood.

The wonderful experience that I have found about reading the books written by Serge Benhayon is that no matter how many times I read one of the books, each time it is as if I am reading it for the first time.

The initial experience is when I am just dipping my toe into the water – I am curious and wonder what the book is going to offer. I take away this first impression and somehow I find that it has prompted me to consider that maybe I need to change my perceptions of life – that there are different ways that may make life fuller and simpler.

When I am inspired to read the book again I am now able to see and feel so many more possibilities and opportunities to expand how I live my life in a new and beautiful way. It’s as if the scales have fallen from my eyes and the book has become so much more than it appeared to be on the first reading. However, I now understand that it is me that has changed and not the book! (The books are a reference library for life – they have supported me to become more of my true self – a self I have been searching for… forever, it seems.)

The books have brought me home to myself – to a place that is starting to feel more real. I have always felt that there was more than the mind, body and spirit, but was unsure where to go and I began to look outside of myself for the answer. The things I found always satisfied me for a while, but somehow did not sustain me. Finding these books and Universal Medicine has enabled me to start looking inwards to a deeper place which feels true.

At present I am in the process of reading The Living Sutras of the Hierarchy for the third time, and I have come across a passage that I feel I had not read before – or more truthfully I have not been willing to fully grasp.

“… when we are measured by a calculation that is based on a lineal output, the expression that complies with such an assessment has to amend itself by contracting its whole and therefore, narrowing its otherwise spherical expression to fit into what it is that it is being asked. If the spherical is ignored and not tapped into, the individual or the unit of expression in question soon realises that it is not needed and thus it shuts down its wholeness or, its natural faculty to be in a whole state.”

Serge Benhayon The Living Sutras of the Hierarchy, p 163, Fiery Sutra 9

This passage has opened me to a whole new understanding of how we have become such a closed down and depressed society. If we are living life in a measured way, we are not able to be and feel fully who we are. As I have found in my life, I have not been able to express who I truly am: I always had a million things going on inside my head, but somehow was never able to get them out and to tell people what I really felt. I was “contracting” my “whole” and “narrowing its otherwise spherical expression to fit into what it is that it is being asked”.

I have this recall of being something so much greater and more expanded, and how over time I had reached a point where I was flat and two-dimensional. This is a feeling that has filled me with sadness as I know, and have always known, that I was something so much greater and grander.

Being able to see things as they truly are allows me to start looking at why I have become this way and to take responsibility for the many choices that have taken me further and further away from myself. Now I can start building that connection back to myself by being kinder and more self loving – to live the life which in the past I only dreamed about.

As I continue reading and re-reading the books of Serge Benhayon, my life has expanded and changed. I am now more able to fully express who I am in the world, in general and in my family. For much of my life my family did not know who the true ‘Sue’ was – I had become so clever at hiding her away and just presenting the person who I thought they wanted me to be – and I now realise what hard work that was. I have started building a more honest relationship with my sister, where we are able to be more open and truly ourselves and this feels really precious to me after so many years of guessing and not getting it right!

I feel that I will read these books many more times in my life and that they will take me to where I need to go as a natural process, as I become more willing to evolve and in that process become more of who I truly am.

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  • Thumb small susan lee

    By Susan Lee, Part time admin work and voluntary work for Age UK. Before retirement I worked in Finance and prior to that I had my own antiques business.

    I am at the beginning of my seventh decade and learning that it’s never too late to change. I love meeting people and spending time with my grandchildren

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    Photography: Susannah Williams

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