Feeling like the hole in the doughnut
A while back in a healing session I had a client who told me in sheer disgust and anguish that she felt like she would never amount to anything, for her whole life she had felt she was the “Hole in the Doughnut”!
"You know," she said through her tears, "I feel like an empty space, like I am nothing!"
The emptiness of these moments felt substantial and forbidding, and the anxiety of separation from herself was something she couldn't deny in her body. Her pulse would escalate and she would withdraw from life feeling paranoid, estranged from everyone and everything.
Talking through this pain she got to understand that this feeling of being nothing was a belief she had held about herself that wasn't actually true, yet felt she had been carrying it for what seemed like an eternity.
The belief seemed real because every so often, when she became overwhelmed, or her life dipped and she contracted, feeling lost and outside of herself, these familiar thoughts of self-doubt and self-loathing would cycle back around to trouble and torment her. She would be engulfed in the hole. She believed these intruding thoughts were actually genuine and true to life, and in these moments she became architect and designer of a virtual reality, manifesting feeling isolated and empty.
However, through her healing, what she came to realise was that all of these experiences were self-created from a collection of negative thoughts that she accessed whilst disconnected from herself, and thus were bereft of her true wise self.
Believe it or not, how sad and empty people feel is a very common theme in counselling.
What is striking is the serial nature and ‘sameness’ of these thoughts when people lose their way, or become estranged from themselves and their natural flow.
From a health practitioner's point of view, the inner cry from most individuals – if you listen to and feel the bigger picture – is that people don't feel they 'fit in'; they are longing to 'belong'. Our statistics worldwide on depression, anxiety and suicide speak very loudly to this problem. Even people living in the seeming ‘comfort’ of long-term relationships are experiencing this disconnect!
When people are submerged in this state of emptiness, they seem to be being fed the same thoughts – thoughts that ‘they are not enough’, and that ‘they are alone in the world, not feeling understood’, and from this place of unworthiness they feel an urge or need to strive, prove or provide evidence to support why they should be accepted, relevant, appreciated and valued to be here, or conversely they feel paralysed, do nothing, go into a state of inertia and slide further into giving up on themselves.
There seems to be a way we are living that is hard-wired for us to descend to the emptiness when we say ‘yes’ to disconnection. It is a chip, chip, chipping away at our intimacy with ourselves, a battle we are tempted into and eventually lose, almost certainly guaranteeing us being swallowed up in a hollow of separation if we don't have the inner self confidence, or the awareness and resolve to come back to connection with ourselves and feeling whole.
Serge Benhayon, founder of the modality Sacred Esoteric Healing, which is a tool to support the person back to re-connecting with their true essence, has offered very simply,
"Emptiness is the inability to be you"[i]
If this is true, then the obvious highway out of the emptiness is that of re-acquainting ourselves with who we really are and no holds barred expressing that.
To feel we have a hole inside is merely a thought which is a lie that we succumb to, because in fact we all have the most profound and glorious centre, which is love, we just resist trusting and letting ourselves know this.
One of the things I love most about my job is being able to ask questions of people so that they share who they are, listening to their unique stories. Each person's story is so fascinating and deep, and they often don't sense how amazing they are until they begin to express the big picture of their life, their values and special qualities which are individual and outstanding to them.
In conversations like this I get to see people pause and reflect and begin to appreciate who they are, they open up and smile, their eyes brighten, they sit up straighter and feel a little more full in themselves.
As they remember who they are they allow their bodies to be occupied with loving thoughts of themselves, and, in revisiting their true nature, they begin to accept that there may be something special about them.
To feel like 'The Hole in the Doughnut' you have to deny knowing and being the greatness of who you are.