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Sex vs making love – is there a difference?

Today so many strive for ‘a great sex life’, and pictures of what ‘great sex’ looks like are sold to us at every turn, from magazine stands to movies and TV.

In fact, explicit sex scenes appear in our favourite television series’ like never seen before. Nowadays, couples no longer need to purchase porn or visit adult ‘toy’ stores, you can just cuddle up on the couch and catch some porn on the latest hit TV show. Not only that, but it is ‘porn with a plot line’ – with more interesting characters than a traditional porno flick could ever hope to compete with. Think naked dragon lady princesses, dwarfs bedding beautiful prostitutes and vampire and human hot times – yes, the cast is varied ...

Sex is in the media nearly everywhere we look and clearly we are all interested in it to some degree or another. But what exactly is the secret to ‘great sex’? And when does sex become “making love”? Is there a difference between sex and making love? And if so, what is it? ...

When researching this topic I came across many opinions on the Net. The explanations ranged from the obscene to the very simple. Some common themes that kept coming up were:

  1. F*%@ing is hard, hot and nasty and always objectifying.
  2. Sex is well – sexy, and can be fast, hard ... but also slower, and is often objectifying.
  3. Making-love is slower and gentle, only happens between two people that are in love, have mutual respect, and consider the feelings and pleasure of the sexual partner.

The first two (as it was established by many anonymous comments) do not require you to love or even like the person you are having sex with – it is more about your ‘getting off’ rather than pleasing your sexual partner.

The one constant in all the descriptions was that they all refer to the speed and the physical act, not to a relationship that transcends the physical expression. In number 3, they began to touch on a relationship of sorts and a basis for the connection, but most comments refer to speed as though it is a compulsory part of the assessment. Maybe there could be the question of quality instead?

This may be a clue...

Is it possible that the difference between sex and making love is that sex finishes once the physical act is over, whereas lovemaking continues to be an expression that can be carried over into many (or all) interactions between a loving couple?

You can have sex without making love ... so can you simply make love without having sex?

Such as ...

  • Making your lover a cup of tea
  • Brushing up against them in the kitchen when cooking together
  • Stealing a passionate kiss
  • Sharing a look across the dinner table
  • Going for a walk together for the joy of it

Are these all not forms of building love, or perhaps even making love? Is it possible that the making love in the sexual sense is merely another expression and confirmation of the true love shared between committed adults, when born from a foundation of ‘lovemaking’ in everyday life?

If foreplay is attributed to potentially enhancing sex, is it possible that loving expressions towards your partner are like divine foreplay, forever building towards amazing lovemaking sessions? That sounds dangerously orgasmic and maybe idealistic, but surely worth some further investigation?

Therefore, is it also possible that even a loving couple engage in sex instead of making love – sometimes, often or always? This opens a discussion about relationships which is naturally required when looking into one aspect of them, as to get a clear picture the whole must be assessed, but that is for another post. With all these queries that seem to get the juices flowing (pun intended), I sign off with a final question to ponder ...

Is the key to a ‘healthy love-making life’ within a relationship actually affected, enhanced or even dependent on everything that happens outside the bedroom?


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Making love

Making love is a confirmation and celebration of the loving way you have been living with another.


"Making love is an extension of how you are living with yourself and how that equal union is lived with your partner. Therefore, making love is always an act that confirms the love you already have as opposed to having sex which in-truth is an act that seeks love."

Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings and Revelations, p 695

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RelationshipsSexMaking loveIntimacy

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    By Kyla J Plummer, Business Woman, Wife & Mother