Let’s talk about the meaning of sex

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Let’s talk about the meaning of sex

The meaning of ‘sex’ is described as the gender of another, or the physical act of sexual activity or intercourse. If we look at the word sex based just on the physical meaning, then I ask the question; has the word ‘sex’ been misused when it comes to capturing the true meaning of making love?

If we are talking about the action of having sex then we need to look at what comes before this, as somewhere over history we have forgotten the foundation of what sex has been built on. We have made our physical desires more important than true love and connection with another.

This shift results in the kind of sex that leaves us with a feeling that something is missing in the intimacy we share of our relationship. The act of having sex may feel like a performance or routine, instead of sharing something that leaves both parties feeling more connected to each other. This is undoubtedly what so many women feel they want more of in their relationships and explains how:

It’s not sex women lose interest in, but the kind of sex we’re having.

When sex becomes an opportunity to feel relieved or satisfied, whether that be emotionally or physically, it becomes soul-less, animalistic and about function rather than an intimate, joyful and playful connection between two people. As we approach the sex act it is also an important factor to note that if we are exhausted or blindly accepting of another’s requests rather than equally feeling the opportunity to be playful and intimate, then we cannot possibly have a true state of intimacy that expands the relationship between each party.

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The difference between intimacy and sex

True intimacy does not lead to having sex.

Clearly, as many of us have experienced, there are 2 very different foundations underlying sex: ‘True Love’ and ‘Emotional Love’.

True Love is holding, non-judgemental, tender, equal, agenda-free, purely joyful and warm.

Emotional Love is needy, judgemental, manipulative, controlling, distancing and dominating, with an outcome to get to.

The activity of having sex can come from either of these two foundations, so which love does your relationship and your experience of sex come from?

If you recognise it to be Emotional Love and you would prefer to explore the possibility of True Love being your foundation for sex, then consider the following – having True Love in your intimate relationship comes from:

  • feeling equal to your partner in every interaction

  • having the voice to say what is true for you

  • respecting your partner’s wishes also

  • knowing your body is your temple (so to speak)

  • holding no expectation or need to have a desired outcome

  • just allowing the natural flow of the joining of your bodies

This intimate exchange makes for a beautiful opportunity to be in the close, tender presence of another loving soul, whom you have chosen to be with. Whether you climax or not is not even on your radar, the connection and care you feel with yourself and your partner is your priority. It is the sort of sex that comes from the way that you have been holding yourself and each other with respect and love in your day to day activities.

The opportunity to be intimate is just a natural addition to a relationship where love and appreciation of yourself and equally of them is constantly with you throughout the day, whether you are together or apart.

However if our sex life is from a foundation of Emotional Love, then:

  • In every activity – intimate or day-to-day – one person will feel they cannot express in full or say what is right for them.

  • Perhaps one person may feel their needs are the priority over their partner and see sex to be a very normal request when their desire for ‘relief’ may feel very real and important to them to have satisfied.

  • There may be judgement on another’s body or behaviour.

  • There may also be a sense of another accepting the use of their body by another and not claiming their own feelings and wellbeing for their body.

  • There may also be pornographic images, books or pictures and stories in our heads used to alter or manipulate what’s happening, thinking they are what ‘good’ sex looks like.

  • Even a sense of going through the motions of getting something over and done with, pretending to enjoy the process, when all we are really after is the touch and security of having someone close.

All of these many behaviours and needs come with emotional love and are ultimately keeping the couple from truly making love.

"Remember well that in an emotional state, no love can be, for love has not one ounce of emotion in it.
Love is the living stillness of God, which is found in the inner-heart of every man and woman on Earth."

Serge Benhayon Esoteric & Exoteric Philosophy, p 183

How do we change the meaning of sex from Emotional love to True Love? It starts first with us, the person reading this article, yes YOU!

The essence of you and your body are and always have been the foundation of love. You are the soulmate you have been looking for. Starting to be aware of the love we are is what begins to rekindle it and with that development of love within you, you begin to feel that you have a respect, grace, power, adoration and appreciation of your worth in life. Once this is reclaimed you would never allow any behaviour to your body or another’s that did not also hold all these qualities.

Taking responsibility to claim all we are through the love we naturally are – no matter what we feel, see or touch in this world – is our real purpose in life. As we begin to live this, sex becomes love and the true meaning of sex and making love returns to us, couple by couple, with true and equal enjoyment.


Filed under

EmotionsSexMaking loveIntimacyHealthy relationships

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    By Anita Stanfield, Authorised Wedding & Funeral Celebrant, Personal & Décor Stylist and Cookbook Author

    Anita is a lover of people and celebrates relationships. Her wealth of life experiences as a Daughter, Wife, Mother and Friend allow her to support people genuinely and caringly.

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    Photography: Matt Paul