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In my quest to find ‘True Love’, one thing that has become clear over this last year while getting to understand myself, is that this love is absolutely not one ounce to do with the Romantic or the Prince Charming ideal we’ve been sold since young.

I had held this romantic picture dear to my heart since childhood – always searching to find or locate ‘my Prince’.

You know, that special one who once you meet, everything will be OK; when we’ve ‘made it’ as a woman and feel whole or complete. I cannot count the number of times my girlfriends and I have got excited and called each other up with the latest news:

The conversation would often become jazzed up and heightened whenever we got round to the subject of men! We’d always feel like we were in ‘heaven’ when a new guy came on the scene, but no matter how confident we felt, it wouldn’t be long before the doubts and anxieties crept in ...

  • "Does he really like me?"
  • "Will or when will he call?"
  • "What shall I wear on our date?"
  • "Where will he take me?"
  • "Am I talking too much?" and
  • "Does my Bum Look too Big In This?"

But why is it that we become so anxious about meeting another person and spending time with them?

The Romantic Ideal ...

As young girls, we’re read countless fairy tales presenting the picture that no matter what happens there’ll be someone – usually Prince Charming – who will save you. From Sleeping Beauty to Cinderella and Snow White, the fairy tale focus is usually on how badly the girl or woman has been treated or got herself into some sort of difficulty and is emotionally wounded, with the Prince there at the end to make the story end well, living happily ever after.

And yet, what I’d like to know is, what about the relationship the girl or woman has with herself?

Why is this relationship NEVER looked at in these stories? Instead we have the romantic ideal being replicated and reinforced by heaps of romantic movies, novels, stage plays and the media, all of which we unquestioningly consume, digest and wish for ourselves.

But What IF? ...

  • True Love featured no-one else to begin with but the woman feeling the warmth, care and tenderness she has for herself i.e. her love (self-love) – and therefore knowing of her value and worth, never compromising on this – before even thinking about being, looking or finding Love with another?

  • Would such a caring woman crave the attention and need to look outside herself, to search or find, if she was already full of her own love first??

  • What IF ... it came not from need, what would be the type of partner (‘Prince’) she would attract into her life, or find appealing with this self-love: perhaps someone with that same level of care and love, or at least those who may appreciate and be inspired by that?

  • What if TRUE LOVE is not about someone coming to save us but more about us ‘saving ourselves’ through great self-love, deep care and devotion?

With this type of Love we may see a very different society and world where the foundation of relationships between men and women are built on true respect, honour, equality and honesty with each other.

I’m no expert, but the more I contemplate and experience life and my own self-love, the one thing that keeps on being revealed is that there is a True Love deep within that no flowers, walks in the park, romantic meals, or Prince Charmings can equal.

And that when there is this self-love first, and with both parties, then these romantic activities or displays mark the beginning of a love affair that can develop with all the right ingredients, and no longer is this a 'fairy-tale' of hope but a true-tale of LOVE.

Filed under

EmpowermentLoveSelf-loveRomance

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    By Shevon Simon, Housing & Support Advisor for Youth Homelessness, UK

    Having worked in the service industry for twenty years, I love working with people and providing quality services.

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