Does a lack of self-worth in women result in the abuse of men?

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Does a lack of self-worth in women result in the abuse of men?

There are a multitude of stories where the leading female character is obsessed by a man who doesn’t truly love her and abuses her by keeping her dangling with a ‘treat them mean to keep them keen’ attitude. This includes famous celebrities staying with guys who beat them up or cheat on them repeatedly. It is no secret for women that a lack of self-worth can result in abusive relationships, yet equally, does a lack of self-worth in women result in the abuse of men? In a world where women’s rights are still secondary in many instances, this is a challenging concept, but let us explore this a little further.

Before going on, it is worth considering that all men have the potential to be naturally sweet and tender when connected to their essence.

Yet, why is it often portrayed that the really sweet guy, the one who is tender, deeply caring and who absolutely adores you, is either dismissed, seen as a best friend or pushed away in favour of the tough guy, and let’s face it women – we do this every day.

‘The question is: am I in this relationship for love and to make it all about love or, am I in it simply because any form of attention or recognition will satisfy the lack of love I have for myself?’

Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings and Revelations, Pg 690

The tenderness of an authentically sweet and caring man can expose how negative and hard we women are on ourselves and how we have come to be more in a masculine way of being when compared to the sacred woman we truly are. Having a gentle caring man around that totally adores every single part of us (down to that cute little dimple, freckle or the way our hair curls) can bring up lack of self-worth issues in women; uncomfortable feelings of how we don’t deserve love. In reaction to this, women can end up rejecting and abusing men who are sweet and tender when we can’t accept the very thing we say we want in a man – love and tenderness. Why is this? Is it ourselves we are rejecting first?

“A woman will not reject the true tenderness of a man — she will reject the reflection that her preciousness comes from Heaven just like his tenderness does.”

Natalie Benhayon

The question is, what is this saying to the world, to women, to men, to our boys and girls?

It is nonsensical that we reject the one thing that we crave and want most in our partners: someone who loves us, who is committed, who absolutely adores us simply for being us, someone who deeply loves, cherishes, respects and cares for us, someone who is willing to evolve with us, take responsibility, grow and learn in the relationship along with us, and is there for us 100%, no matter what.

What is it that we don’t want to look at within ourselves when the potential for a relationship based on love, evolution and respect presents itself and we are not interested?

Is it the years we have lived without deeply loving ourselves, where we have consistently accepted the undermining, dismissive and abusive way we treat and talk to ourselves, to the point that we accept it as ‘normal’? Does it cover over the feelings that we don’t deserve love because of some sort of perception of inner ugliness, or we are not worth it? In the midst of all of these unaddressed issues, we leave our essence behind, and ourselves, to merely function in an abusive relationship with ourselves.

The reality is however, that the way we treat ourselves is the same as what we will accept from others.

For women, this is a huge and bitter pill to swallow: we are reluctant to appreciate that when we deny or reject our own preciousness and sacredness, we throw the first stone that smashes and distorts the reflection of our own wisdom, stillness and beauty. Rejecting ourselves first is one of our greatest hurts and a huge clue as to why a lack of self-worth in women results in the abuse of men via the dismissal of the tender, sensitive, sweet and adoring guys who simply see past any façade, appreciate us for who we are and are genuinely prepared to learn, evolve and grow in a relationship with us.

Our lack of responsibility at going deeper and living our true preciousness, our innate sacredness, grace and steadiness as women gets exposed when we find it much easier to be in uncertain, unloving, volatile and in abusive relationships, never truly letting our guard down but functioning in what one would call a relationship – but really is an arrangement – that justifies giving both parties reason to keep our defences up and reinforced.

"‘Taking energetic responsibility for all that one does and all that one says and thinks is truth in power, for one will see exactly how we can either harm or heal in all that we do, say, and think. That's true power!’"

Serge Benhayon Esoteric & Exoteric Philosophy 'The Sayings' Pg 181

It’s here I would like to point out all men in their essence are naturally sweet, tender and as delicate as any woman – even though they may not live this, or no longer even be aware themselves of the fact. But there is very little in the world that allows men to let this side of themselves be seen. And ironically women have a part to play in this. For as women we need to ask; if we were to be with a partner who was deeply loving, caring, tender and sensitive, one who completely and utterly adores us, every single part of us, and enjoys spending time with us, would we reject this or would we deeply surrender, to the point of absolutely melting with a partner like this, to let ourselves been seen, to open up, to let them in?

If we did, we couldn’t keep up the low self-esteem, lack of self-worth or the loathing of ourselves and our bodies. We couldn’t keep up the hard front and protective shell that covers our hurts. It would bring us straight back to our natural female, delicateness, preciousness and tenderness in an instant.

Now don’t get me wrong – this isn’t a magical fairytale ending to being in the ‘perfect’ relationship. It’s an offering to address the unpleasant question: does a lack of self-worth in women result in the abuse of men in a way that we may not have considered?

It’s also an invitation to consider a whole new way of understanding women being in relationship with ourselves (first) and with sweet and tender men that is far more open, absolutely honest, evolutionary, real and loving. It becomes our constant choice to surrender to this, deal with our self-worth issues, or to opt for the fight that has us trying to outdo men at being tough, hard and aloof.

If relationships are guaranteed to present our unaddressed hurts, it is worth understanding that at times they can get tough – we can all act in a way that may not be truly loving. The important thing to be aware of is that these times are all opportunities to heal instead of bury our old patterns and beliefs around self-worth, or bail out on someone or a relationship just because it’s going through a tough patch. It’s beautiful to work through things, to allow each other space, be committed to bringing the quality of love, without at times even needing to say anything – this is where true magic and miracles can happen.

And it’s not about dumping a guy just because he’s tough, for you never know what may happen when you allow him the space to be the tender man he is. It could be a blessing in disguise. Neither is it saying that one should allow a man to be abusive, just because we can read that he has potential to be otherwise. As women, it is firstly about realising how we may inadvertently be abusing men by rejecting their innate ability to be sensitive, and equally about realising our own sense of worth so that we do not allow ourselves to accept abuse from men who are not acting from their essence.

Does a lack of self-worth in women result in the abuse of men by giving us cause to reject their innate qualities, as their tenderness reflects our preciousness we may not want to embody, embrace and live and/ or feel how we have long walked away from our preciousness? Yes, it can . . . lack of self-worth affects every relationship. As women when we take responsibility for our inner life, developing the connection to our sense of worth, we get to go deeper, to drop into our depths, come back to ourselves with an openness to being equally loved by a sweet and tender man.

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EmpowermentAbuseSelf-worthRelationshipsHealthy relationships

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    By Anonymous, Name withheld for privacy purposes

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    Photography: Rebecca UK, Photographer

    I am a tender and sensitive woman who is inspired by the playfulness of children and the beauty of nature. I love photographing people and capturing magical and joyful moments on my camera.