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Desperately Seeking Dorothy – from the New Age to Sai Baba to Serge Benhayon

In my late 50's I started searching for someone who could help me to find a better way to live than how I had been living. I was in a very unhappy marriage and the many years of living like this had taken a huge toll on me.

Over the next few years I found my way to many people and many places, but unfortunately not to what I was looking for. They included:

  • some Christian Church Ministers of different faiths

  • a lady who was involved with a New Age group who did psychic readings

  • a Spiritual Church where I had healing from different people

  • lots of different psychic readers, looking for their advice as to what to do next

  • a man who did energy healing by supposedly clearing the auric field by running his hands over the body to where there was a blockage, gathering it up in his hands and throwing that into the corner of the room

  • a woman who was used as a channel for a ‘spiritual being’. I liked what she was saying for some time until I realized that what was being ‘channelled’ had already happened.

Looking back, these were certainly an interesting mix of possible ‘saviours’. Needless to say I didn’t get what I was seeking, only finding that a lot of what they said did not ring true for me. However, still feeling that there was something missing in my life, I continued along this path for a few more years. After 40 years of marriage I separated from my husband and moved to another town where I continued my search to find some healing for myself in whichever way I could.

One day in 1995 a friend told me about a Guru by the name of Sai Baba. I could instantly tell that this lady was just so in love with what he was doing that she was even running a shop that she had named ‘Sai Baba's Shop’. From there I fell into this, hook, line and sinker, as at that time so many people were following him, which had me thinking that they cannot all be wrong, especially with all the miracles that he was said to be doing. In time, I decided to go to meet this man whom I felt may just be ‘the one’ to have the answers I was looking for, and so I travelled to his Ashram in India with a lovely group of people for a two week visit.

Although this was a culture shock for me to begin with, I loved being there. At the Ashram there were hundreds of people from all round the world who arrived in groups; not often did anyone seem to go on their own. Twice a day we queued up in very long lines to go into the meeting hall to see Sai Baba; this meant sitting cross-legged for a very long time. We were very strictly overseen by several women who made sure that we didn’t move.

As I was still convinced that Sai Baba was ‘the one’ who was going to provide me the answers to all my problems, I was so in awe to finally see him.

I had heard him say, “the only difference between you and me is that I know that I am God and you don’t”, so I naturally felt that I was meeting God: not that I met him in person – you had to be chosen for that and I wasn’t one of the chosen ones. He just sat on the stage and looked down at us, at times speaking, but mainly in Indian so I had no way of knowing what he was saying. Even so, I had myself convinced that this was it and that the love I thought I could feel floating around was confirming it.

I really enjoyed my time there with the lovely group that I was with, but looking back I am sure that the companionship of these people was the best part. I returned home still thinking that this is it, this is what I have been looking for, and so continued to attend weekly evenings singing the praises of Sai Baba.

And then one day two years later, I felt very strongly that Sai Baba was calling me back, so off I went on my second two week trip to the Ashram. This time it only took a few days to realise that I didn’t feel the same as the first time and I was definitely not in awe anymore. I was even starting to question and see that a lot of what was going on was not loving at all. I also found it strange that that the women and men were not allowed to mingle together, and that included at meal times. This made sense of what happened at our weekly meetings, when men would sit on one side of the room and the women the other.

On the last day at the Ashram I knew that I would not be coming back.

I continued to attend the weekly meetings, but nothing in my life changed. One time during that period it felt as if my life was being turned upside down and inside out, and in not a good way at all. In fact it was so bad, that at times I felt that I was going to die, as it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I remember one day lying on the floor pleading for Sai Baba to help me – I knew something was not right but I couldn’t explain it. One thing was for sure, I did not want to die. After a few weeks I started to feel a bit better within myself and in spite of what had happened, I continued to think that I was on the right path.

In time I moved away from this town and did not carry on with the Sai Baba group, but kept reading books about him as I was still desperate for answers. I did not like being so emotional, angry, judgmental and overweight; I wanted to be loved, needed and accepted. Then one day I found myself asking God if I could meet someone who truly lived unconditional love.

It was a year later, in 2005, that I met Jeanette Macdonald, a lovely healing practitioner who gave me a beautiful massage. For a short while I began to wonder if this was going to be something like all the rest; that it may not work for me. But one day all that changed. In Jeanette’s waiting room she had a copy of a book called ‘The Way It Is’ by a man called Serge Benhayon and as I picked it up, I instantly knew with my whole being that I had to buy it; and I did.

Once I started reading it, I knew that at last I had finally found what I had been looking for, for all these years! And when in time I met other students of Universal Medicine, the organisation that Serge Benhayon founded in 1999, it was like I had finally come home to my long lost family.

As I had been so entrenched with the New Age for so many years, it took me a while to really let down the barriers of protection that I had built around me, allowing myself to feel that what I was being offered was so different to anything that I had experienced before. For quite some time I did not want anyone to know about my past, as I thought that I would be judged for where I had been. And as I was not good at communicating, it took me some time to gradually learn to do that – something that I am still learning to do with much more ease.

For the first time in my 78 years I started to feel calmer within myself. As I gradually learned about energy and that “everything is energy, therefore everything is because of energy” (Serge Benhayon), I started to understand more about being a student of life and of me, and wanted to learn more. I only had my Government pension to live on, so as to be able to continue to see Jeanette I saved some extra money by doing house sitting, ironing, and at times, housework.

In 2009, at aged 79, I was able to finally attend a Universal Medicine workshop and to meet Serge Benhayon. He was just gorgeous, so very humble and always had the time to speak with everyone. Hearing him speak up on stage was a real joy. I know that I did not always understand everything that he said and at times I fell asleep, but that didn’t matter, as I was where I knew I needed to be. What a difference to what I had experienced at the Ashram. Serge lives that pure, unconditional love that I had asked God for, and he is a true role model for us all.

What I have learned and observed is that he truly lives what he presents, as does his beautiful family. IN NO WAY does Serge ever want us to him put on a pedestal, as he always says that he is a forever student of life, the same as we all are.

The second time I went to Australia to attend a workshop, a friend took me to the Universal Medicine clinic and as I opened the door I truly felt that I was entering Heaven, as the energy was so peaceful and gentle; everyone seemed to float as they walked.

What Serge Benhayon and his beautiful daughter Natalie Benhayon have been presenting over the years has been so inspiring for me. I have changed so much, releasing so much of what I now know is not me and as a result I have slowly begun to acknowledge the amazing woman that I am, but never knew I was.

If it had not been for Serge Benhayon being here at this time presenting the Ageless Wisdom to humanity, my life certainly would not have changed in the way it has, but as Serge has always shared, he only presents the truth, it is up to us to make the choice to live it, or not; he never tells anyone what to do. I know for sure that without this life changing wisdom being offered to me, and my accepting what was being offered, I would have gradually become more confused, angry, emotional and judgmental about life. These days, as a result of making more loving choices, my life is almost unrecognisable from what it was.

I have made many wonderful changes in my life since meeting Serge Benhayon and they include:

  • learning so much about my body – what it needs in the way of food and drink and what it doesn’t

  • how to listen to my body’s messages and that to ignore them usually ends up with my getting over-tired, falling over or dropping something

  • learning to type and to use a computer at the age of 85 years so I could keep in touch with my newly found friends, both in New Zealand and Australia

  • writing blogs, as well as writing my story for ‘The Joy of Aging Esoterically’ book – a pretty amazing achievement for a person who was told she had Dyslexia and had no confidence that anyone would be interested in what she had to say

  • realising that I have so much lived wisdom to share with others from my many, and often very challenging, life experiences

  • not to get upset when someone says something I don’t like – I am learning to respond, to not react

  • being a lot less judgmental of others and of myself

  • building beautiful relationships with others and allowing people to see who I am – no more hiding behind a fake smile

  • not being in so much of a rush when doing things – this one has been particularly challenging, but I’m getting there slowly.

Since being a student of Universal Medicine I have only ever had loving support from everyone, including Serge and all the Benhayon family. The hardest part in the beginning was learning to let go of the negative way I used to see myself and instead learn to love me; that is still work in progress and one that will be an ongoing process, forever. Another big learning for me was to feel from within instead of always using my mind to gain knowledge.

When I started on this path I had no idea that this would be an ongoing journey of self discovery for the rest of my life, and all the ones to follow. The more that I learn and come to understand, the more amazing life is. Every day I celebrate the day I found my way to Jeanette Macdonald and the book that opened the doorway that I had been endlessly searching for – a doorway that led me to the amazing Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and to finally finding Dorothy . . .

And I can unashamedly say, she’s rather amazing!


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  • Thumb small dorothycarlile crop

    By Dorothy Carlile

    I love being an elder in the community and to share my lived experience with others. At 87 I am really enjoying my life and know that it is never too late to change the way I live.