How to approach dating online; tips for women

Wise words from someone who has been there

When you get into online dating, you may discover that it can make dating so much easier. There is less pressure, and surprisingly, it is safer than some of the “older” ways of meeting someone. It is also less random than meeting someone at a party and ‘feeling the chemistry’. Of course it is still a big learning curve, but then any new relationship is a big learning curve.

Dating online can be an amazing process of learning about you. And, if you approach Internet dating in a practical and well-considered way, it can actually be very self-empowering.

It is key to allow the whole process time, care and attention. Building a profile and making it a work of art that expresses who you are can really give you a lot of clarity about yourself, and, in a clear manner present who you really are from the outset to potential dates.

Your online dating profile is a way of putting yourself out there and sharing with others - ‘Yes this is me, this is who I am’.

Getting to know yourself … creating your profile

In creating your profile, the first thing to establish is that you are sharing and writing about the qualities and characteristics that make up the relationship you have with your self, how do you live and express as you each day? This is an important point to consider and be very open with. If you “try” to do the “best” profile that will get you a “desired result” (the date) you may not present all of who you truly are, and let’s be honest, when you are in a relationship with another, it is those qualities and characteristics you share with each other every day, not the ‘trying’ version sometimes put out in dating.

Take your time to express yourself in your profile – appreciating yourself, your qualities, your characteristics, what you really like or love about yourself, what do you know about yourself that makes you smile? What makes you feel expansive?

How you communicate who you are is actually sharing yourself with another in your profile. And in this case, you will be sharing through your profile with the men or women who are interested in connecting with you.

"Love is being you - not playing a role, nor pleasing or enjoining or lending yourself to be what others need.</b>"

Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings and Revelations, p 685

Opportunity for self-reflection

As part of this process and your self-discovery it is worth getting very clear on what you are doing and why, asking yourself:

  • Why do I actually want a relationship?
  • What kind of relationship am I looking for?

Maybe you are only looking for a friendship or a travelling companion, a short-term relationship or a long-term partner. Whatever it may be, it is very important to be honest with yourself. We all know the sayings ‘what goes around, comes around’ or ‘what you put out, is what you get back’ – this is so true and relevant to online dating.

Being honest about what you are ‘putting out’ and interested in getting from your dating experience is a part of the process, it provides space for loving self-reflection, and therefore personal growth as the dating unfolds, rather than self-judgment or critique when things happen or do not go as planned.

Online dating – creating profile tips:

  • Using a current photo usually works better. It doesn’t pay to use photos that don’t represent how you look. It is even worth the time and money to have a set of photos done by a photographer you trust, so that you have a great set of photos that represent you well and you feel really good about.
  • Choosing your Internet dating site carefully can make a big difference. Better sites may cost more, but they are worth it compared to the free sites.
  • On your profile there is the opportunity to specify how far you are prepared to travel for a relationship. It’s a good idea not to make that distance too small; casting your net wider gives more opportunities.
  • In the end it’s not the distance that makes or breaks a relationship, and a lot of people write on their profiles that they’re prepared to re-locate. And that’s pretty sincere.

Taking the step to commit to dating online supports us in the development of self-love and helps us to say ‘no’ to self-doubt.

  • Once you have done your profile, got your photos and actually get onto the site there will be a lot of different women or men in your age group. The worst thing you can do for yourself is to go into comparison and competition.
  • Don’t forget you are uniquely you and that really it’s not about looks or accomplishments, it’s about who you are at your core and your connection with another.
  • Then, when you are connecting with a woman or man you are interested in, and they are not immediately connecting with you, or half way into the emailing they get distracted and don’t return your emails; you can use this as an opportunity to not take their behaviour as a verdict about who you are.
  • Events happen in people’s lives, and a lot can change for a person you started corresponding with, so it’s a great learning not to take it personally and feel rejected.

It’s strengthening not to measure your self-worth by the responses you get — whether people continue to talk with you or drop away. And this is why it is so important to do the preparatory work for yourself mentioned above and establish this foundation.

So what else can you learn?

  • Courage, and a certain amount of trust in yourself, that you are able take the plunge and put yourself out there like this.
  • How to express yourself more completely.

Allowing yourself a bit of time to get used to the Internet dating environment and not expecting your dream man or woman on your doorstep within the first month will support you in what you are doing. You will find you learn a lot about yourself, a lot about dating, a lot about communication and a lot about people too.

Filed under

Internet datingSelf-empowermentCommunicationRelationships

  • By Karin Becker , BA Education

    Karin’s main focus is to support women in all different aspects of their wellbeing. By re-connecting to our deep innate wisdom and love we are opening up an amazing potential.

  • Photography: Alan Johnston, Photographer

    I have studied Social Documentary Photography. Lots of life experience throughout which I have kept a keen sense of humour.