Ashamed of being fat?

If you are overweight it is likely that you have experienced shame about your condition.

It is likely you have:

  • Felt ashamed to be ‘fat’
  • Judged yourself as lacking willpower
  • Bought into the story that thin is ‘normal’ or ‘better’
  • Believed there must be something wrong with you if you are not thin
  • Given up on ever liking your body

You know that when you are overweight you are often looked at differently, you feel the blame in the looks and hear the hurtful remarks, such as:

  • “That person has no self-control”
  • “Wouldn’t you do something about it?”

Unlike some things that we are ashamed of, we can’t hide fat

When I was about 14 years old (now more than 35 years ago), I was walking along the road in the small city in which I lived when a young man in a sporty convertible, leaned out as he drove past and yelled, “What is it love, have you got elephantitis?”

I was not such a large girl then, but I remember feeling devastated, embarrassed and ashamed. The young man had a beautiful girlfriend with long blond hair sitting in the passenger seat – I wondered what she felt? Now I do admit I would love to have him in front of me today and challenge his behaviour, but at the time I believed him. I believed that there must be something wrong with me – something to be ashamed of.

These attitudes are still alive and well today. For example, there is even a Japanese app, ‘Hey Fattie’[1] for your mobile device that involves little animated men (who are meant to take the place of a boyfriend) berating you if you don’t stick to your diet and exercise regime. Do we need a partner, or anyone, telling us that we are a failure?

Shaming people into losing weight does not work. In the old days of Weight Watchers, members report that there was a ‘Pig Pen’ for anyone who did not lose weight that week to go and stand in for the duration of the weekly weigh-in and meeting. For those who experienced this, it is reported as something of a horror. It did not improve their weight loss. What it did do was increase their shame … and their chances of giving up and hiding away.

What if shame is actually stopping you lose weight?

"When was the last time you enjoyed being in your body?
At what point did you stop doing what you feel is true for the sake of pleasing others?
It is easy to harm your body when you don’t like how it feels – there is nothing there worth being loving for."

Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings & Revelations, p 265

If you are feeling shame you are most likely blaming yourself for not being stronger in your resolve to stick to a diet.

This is a trap – diets are a set-up and you are destined to fail (Bacon, 2008, p. 145).[2] The current weight loss solution of restricting calories and increasing exercise is only a short term one, since 95% of people put all their weight back on and of the supposedly successful 5%, most are gradually regaining weight (Bacon, 2008, p. 145). In fact, it is only the rate of weight regain that is debated, not the fact that you will regain the weight you have lost (Bacon, 2008, p.144).[2]

The diet industry relies upon the shame of being fat to keep you trying and buying. Putting the weight back on is not something to be ashamed of – it is almost guaranteed – and it is not a reason to give up on your-self.

Weight loss is not about food, it is not about having the discipline of a martial artist, it is not about dieting – it is about finding the loveliness of who you truly are and very slowly learning to honour that – the opposite of shaming.

"The best form of medicine is for you to be you
because the smallest thing you do not being you
puts your body into dis-harmony, which then
leads to dis-ease and then to the ills that hurt us."

Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings & Revelations, p 197

As you browse this website you will see many men and women who have lost weight without dieting. What they have in common is that they sorted out their relationship with themselves.

The shame of being fat is a barrier to us looking at what is really going on and to finding the loveliness within.


Filed under

WeightSelf-worthLosing weightSelf-love

  • By Alison Greig, BA LLB(Hons), LLM(Hons, Grad Dip Psych, EPA Recognised

    Alison is a writer, life coach and a passionate advocate for true freedom of expression. Her legal and philosophical interests include regulation of cyber-abuse and cyber-crime, health care, freedom of religion and human rights.