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Developing a love affair with reactions

Loving reactions helps us to see the communication a reaction is offering.

Developing a love affair with reactions

Reactions are often portrayed negatively, and it is not uncommon to hear the following sorts of statements:

  • I need to stop reacting
  • You need to stop reacting
  • I’m trying not to react anymore
  • That’s a reaction… that has to stop
  • Stop being so reactive

The implicit message being that ‘reactions are wrong and they need to stop’.

But what if reactions are not wrong … what if reactions are offering us something extremely valuable?

The key is, unless we embrace reactions as something we can learn from, they become our kryptonite.

What if it is not just about ‘stopping reactions’, but rather developing an understanding of:

  1. Why the reaction occurred and …
  2. What is the reaction actually communicating?

It is true that reactions can feel horrible in the body, with many of us preferring not to have a reaction at all. However, when we stop the reaction without any consideration of why it occurred, we miss the opportunity to address the underlying cause of the reaction. Addressing why the reaction occurred is an essential step if we are going to bring a stop to the reaction perpetuating.

What are reactions?

Reactions are simply any movement in a person’s body away from their natural state of settlement. Settlement is when a body feels absent of anxiety, feels at ease and settled with being in life and with what life is presenting.

Reactions might be quite subtle:

  • A tightening of the jaw
  • A tense muscle
  • A thought absent of love
  • A need for something to be different
  • Butterflies in the stomach

Reactions might be more intense:

  • Anger
  • Sadness
  • Frustration
  • Withdrawal
  • Self-harm
  • Harm of others
  • Verbal attack on another

Reactions can be overt (observable by others) or covert (only felt internally by the body). Reactions can be of a low intensity and barely noticed outside of the astute observer, while reactions can also be intense and clearly observable by others. Reactions sometimes seem like they don’t impact on others, while other times reactions are very direct and pointed towards another.

Reactions come in many forms but simply put a reaction is –
Any movement away from our natural state of feeling settled.


So, if reactions are a movement away from our natural state of feeling settled, why might we want to develop a love affair with our reactions? One reason is because reactions are a form of communication.

Reactions tell us a lot about how we are experiencing life.

We live in a forever expanding classroom of life, where there is an endless array of life lessons on offer.

Each person is the same in that we all have many lessons mastered, with many life lessons yet to master. Each person is different in that what life lessons one person has mastered, another may not have mastered … yet.

We are all forever students in a life filled with an endless array of life lessons ready to master when the willing student is ready – this is why we are all the same.

Reactions are our first sign of disturbance, indicating there is something happening in life that is affronting to us. This can generate anxiety, particularly when we do not yet feel equipped to respond to the situation.

Reactions are our body’s way of communicating to us when a yet-to-be mastered life lesson has just been presented.

So what if we make our approach not about stopping reactions in ourselves or other people, but rather about:

  1. Embracing the life lesson on offer and developing a level of mastery with that lesson, where we learn to respond to life rather than react to life.

  2. Then a new part of life becomes mastered, making the reaction redundant.

To free ourselves and others of reaction is not just about stopping the reaction, but about developing a love affair with the communication that the reaction is offering and then developing a way of responding to all the life lessons that are on offer.

Unless we embrace the reactions as something to learn and grow from, they become our kryptonite.

Filed under

Awareness,  Clairsentience,  Communication,  Emotions,  Feelings

  • Photography: Cameron Martin, Video and Photography
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