Couples Therapy – Part 3 - Don't hold back!

Real progress and tips from the writer

By 2007 his wife was a well-known and experienced Psychotherapist who was presenting at professional conventions. Still being the amazing pathfinder, she continued doing many courses and had found Philosopher Serge Benhayon. Serge supported them to take love and understanding to new levels. What they have learnt about energy, behaviour, nutrition, exercise, religion, love, relationships and much else has moved their own relationship to previously unimagined levels. And there is no boundary in sight.

For them, the teachings and practices of Serge Benhayon take relationships to levels of real joy, harmony and love. But one also has to do the homework to address so many years of living in disregard of their bodies and living off practices and principles that are based on a rather rotten world out there.

How to summarise the techniques Julie and Serge used? There were and are too many. But here are some take-outs:

  • Whenever you get the chance, no matter how good or ordinary your relationship is, be open to ways that can make it more meaningful and loving – they tried couples therapy and found it very worthwhile. There is so much to learn when you work with an experienced therapist. (Sorry - have to mention, it is usually the men that resist this step, so give it a go guys!)
  • But you don’t always need an experienced therapist – sometimes you just need a friend or colleague to be honest with you both.
  • Go to therapy prepared to embrace every new concept that is floated. You never know where it is going to take you. Be brave.
  • Don’t sweat the small stuff.
  • Don’t sweat the big stuff either.
  • Listen carefully to your partner’s point of view and give it space. We all have different realities so don’t expect your partner to embrace your reality and vice versa.
  • Be truthful. Be oh so truthful. Only then can you address the real issues.
  • Sometimes all that is needed is to listen.
  • Don’t let life’s many other distractions stop you both from having a healthy amount of time together when you can focus on your relationship.
  • Notice the little (and big things). Nice haircut. Terrific new shoes. Do so without being prompted.
  • Teamwork. Love is also in the kitchen, with the chores, walking the dog, just walking together and sharing everyday living.
  • Remember that all relationships are important not just your marriage.
  • Come from a point of absolute equality.
  • Watch over how you feel, what energy you are in. We are what we consume. Drinking and eating poorly affects not only our own state of being, but how we relate to others. They found that when they eliminated the ‘poisons’ in their life (alcohol, drugs, sugar and caffeine) that they could build to a greater level of love within themselves and with each other – there was less ‘in the way’. This didn’t happen overnight, but it continues to bring more clarity to the relationship.
  • Feel your feelings and with honesty express them in the relationship. You always have a choice in how you respond in every situation.
  • Look out for old patterns emerging.
  • Don’t be a withering flower – claim yourself in the relationship. Honour what you feel, and honour your partner equally.
  • Say the mushy stuff – that which is tender and vulnerable. Men, are you paying attention?
  • Making love in the bedroom can be the end result of how you have lived together – not a point you go to seek relief and or to save the relationship. Understand the difference between sex and making love.
  • Seek clarification “What I heard you say is...” It is amazing how many times one hears wrongly or interprets incorrectly.
  • Try to avoid arguing – it never resolves anything.
  • Practise relationship building with everyone, all the time and everywhere. All of your relationships will deepen as a result
  • Work on your relationships knowing that there is no end to attaining a great relationship.

The opportunities to build on a good relationship are infinite. Never stop practising and trying new techniques.

Too many men would not be seen dead in a therapist’s room. He was one of them. Maybe many women resist too. Try it and don’t be spooked by the first few sessions – it takes time to fix old and ingrained habits.

So thanks to his wife, Julie and Serge, they not only removed the fractious behaviour of the nineties, they moved their marriage to a great place – And there is more to come.

As we let our own light shine in all relationships, we unconsciously give permission to those around us to do the same.

In whatever form available, if you are stuck, give couples therapy a go (while always being discerning of who you see).

A True Story

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MarriageCouples therapyLoveCounseling Relationship problems