Giving up – The why behind it all
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Giving up – The why behind it all
It's an insidious thing, that feeling that creeps up on us and makes us feel like we are no longer interested in life, and can’t be bothered anymore ... like it is all too hard and now we need an escape.
So often we are climbing an uphill battle when our lifestyle is overrun by alcohol, drugs, unsupportive diets, work overload, stress and little sleep. Add in abusive and un-loving relationships and life just gets a whole lot harder. These aspects of life become so normalised that it's easy to want to give up on life.
But why has this become the norm for so many?
Why is this a common ^[reaction](article:135) when life gets hard?
Giving up on life doesn't just mean throwing your hands up in the air and saying, 'I've had enough', though no doubt so many of us actually do this.
Giving up could be:
- staying in a relationship that’s boring and comfortably uncomfortable.
- not cleaning the house because you can’t be bothered
- eating takeout or what’s there instead of what truly nourishes your body
- staying in a job that’s unsatisfying because the money is good and it’s comfortable
- saying yes to everything to suit other people
- or thinking 'that's it, we should just break up' when you and your partner fight.
There are many moments when I think to myself ‘I’d really like to get sick so I can stay home and lie on the couch' ... which is a form of giving up. Why is it that getting sick, feeling terrible and lying on the couch all day would even be appealing? Yet these thoughts have become the norm for so many of us who seek to escape the overwhelming challenges throughout the day, desiring a retreat away from it all. Who hasn’t sought to escape the difficult aspects of life or the multitude of feelings that can swamp us over the day?
But what if there was a different way to be with life, where we didn't feel the need to escape, to give up and run away from it all?
What if, instead of being a victim to the pull of withdrawal, we instead set an intention to commit more fully to life, to show up no matter what, rather than avoiding the aspects of life we find challenging. Things started to change for me when I began to put into practice new movements and to commit to myself more deeply by taking greater care of myself. I began to eat well and show a deeper appreciation towards myself and my life. Taking care of myself involved learning to say no to what didn’t feel okay and make more supportive choices, which began to build a deeper connection with my body. This connection has allowed me over time to make far more honouring choices. The cumulative effect of these self-care moments established a foundation that equipped me to handle the difficulties in my life. By maintaining a strong connection and attunement to the body, I have found that it becomes easier to handle the tension of being in life: the tension we all feel from living in an unloving, and at times harsh world filled with misery, disdain, suicide, drug and alcohol abuse, domestic violence, exhaustion, murder, rape, sadness and everything else that is unpleasant in this world.
Once the given upness has set in it can feel near impossible to show care for yourself, further reinforcing the cycle of apathetic withdrawal. This is where a daily practice of applying commitment to one item of life helps to build a foundation that serves to counteract the given upness. Once this is mastered, then this can be further applied to other items. The key is to start small and be consistent in order to build a new momentum and offset the lethargy that otherwise feels insurmountable to overthrow.
We are highly sensitive beings who feel and are aware of much more than we consciously realise, and if we don’t know how to handle this super sense we can find ourselves withdrawing from life. It is a misnomer to assume that apathy is a function of not caring, rather, it can be the end result of caring so deeply, that we at times can feel a need to shut down and shut off from the world at large. Just this simple realisation alone can shift the weight of apathy, and redirect us to the truth of the matter, that underneath it all our natural way is to want to commit to life. The natural world is a powerful reflection of this, for example consider the penguin, a wonderful representation of what it is to commit to life against all odds. As they make the long and treacherous passage across the seas their purpose never wavers, and their life is dependent upon their steadfast commitment.
If we approach life from a steadfast commitment what impact might this have on the way we experience life? For example, if committing to life becomes an everyday focus then when apathy starts to creep in it can be seen for what it is, and a consistent reorientation to commitment can be made. If we choose to adopt this unwavering focus to commit to life, much like the penguin who crosses the seas, then even in times of great difficulty we have the willingness to respond to whatever life brings to us.
For me, I can now see that committing to life can be quite simple. In the moments where I care for my body, I feel more willing and able to commit to life. While I still experience tension, I don’t feel overloaded or overrun by it. It supports me to build a greater fitness for life – allowing me to live in a world that’s demanding, fast paced and full of stress. With so many competing demands and impositions we tend to catastrophise that the ‘whole of life' is the problem. We look outward to blame others for our problems, rather than looking at how we can bring change. For example, work, school, partner, home etc. is the problem, as opposed to the way I am running my life. We forget that it is up to us to ascertain how we want life to be and that change is possible.
We can choose to:
- eat healthy; or not and feel bloated, sick, irritable and tired
- exercise gently; or not and have sore muscles and not want to exercise again
- choose how we want to be in our relationship, or let anything slide and feel unloved, abused and unwanted
- Love ourselves; or not and feel worthless, ugly and not good enough.
Like us all, there are moments where I slip and find myself wanting to give up. And so it's important in these moments for me to ask the why –– why did I slip, what about life caught me off guard and caused me to perceive I didn't have the capacity to handle it? From this, we can learn, and respond differently with the next challenge that presents. Awareness makes all the difference. From there we can begin to notice when the apathy might start to creep in and try new ways of responding to the situation, rather than giving up straight away.
While initially committing to life can feel arduous, with a daily application and a steady attendance the momentum of this new way of being can build, making it much easier to sustain a commitment to life every day. As this becomes the everyday norm, a new simplicity and ease in life takes form, making life far more joyful. This joy allows us to embrace life more fully which in turn reinforces our commitment to life, thereby ensuring the stranglehold of apathy no longer has its way with us.
Filed under
Awareness, Feelings, Lifestyle, Health conditions
