“I’m Coming Out!”

The infamous words from the Diana Ross Song of 1980 will resonate to nearly every gay and lesbian person. The song, which is a written anthem of coming out as a gay person, glorifies the very act as something that is a necessity and a rite of passage to be who you truly are: until this has been attained you would be referred to as being ‘in the closet’, which in itself describes a hiding, a not wanting to show the world who you truly are, even seen as cowardly to some.

This has always been a sticking point for me; even through my early years of being a gay male I never felt the need to stand up and claim my gay crown for all to see – it really wasn’t a big deal for me. Of course there was always a pressure from others to do the right thing and come out to everyone to finally rid myself of the demons and shame of being gay in a world where it was still seen as taboo, seen as a marker of difference, and once the deed was done and you confessed that you are gay then you could wear the badge of GAY proudly and get on with your life in the knowing of who you are and your standing in the community.

I totally get why some want to do this and I certainly celebrate those that want to express who they are and stand up for their right to be an equal citizen and be treated in an equal and respected manner. In fact, this I applaud and would never cast an opinion either way. But there are many that can be forced to ‘come out’ to confess that they are gay only to set themselves up for ridicule and abuse from those that either do not understand or are not open to displays of honesty. Why are we so driven for everyone to know every detail of our life, our sexuality? Could it be that by knowing who and what your aligned sexual preferences are that this somehow gives the knowing of where we stand with each other? Is it a marking of our territory, our boundaries of who and how much we can let someone into our life, depending on their sexual orientation or social background?

I have never been ashamed of being gay and nor should anyone. It’s a natural expression and to be forced or pressured to have to ‘come out’ can be a traumatic experience and should not be overlooked or seen as just being part of our orientation.

I chose not to ‘come out’ to my family and friends, as for me it was my natural expression and as I had never been in a real heterosexual relationship I had nothing to compare or judge either against; for me it was as natural as breathing.

Why would I confess to something that in my body felt natural?

When we take the pressure off those that are dealing with their natural way of being and allow them the space to truly be all that they are with no demands of how they are to be or not to be, then in that space they find their truth – the truth of who they are and what they bring to humanity.

If we allow the pressure of others to force us to ‘come out’ and express our sexual orientation we can become the victim, we can have others look at us differently and judge us for our sexuality, and with that the wall is already built. Allow yourself to be what you innately are and with no compromise, then you become the one that keeps the walls at bay.

We don’t put pressure on those that are expressing as heterosexuals; we don’t wait with bated-breath for them to come clean about their sexuality, so why pressure those that already feel ostracised by the so-called ‘norm’ laid out by the generations before who would claim they knew no different.

Judgement is learnt: it’s fed by those that feel their beliefs are being compromised when in fact their beliefs are that which creates the compromise, for when we allow each and every being’s personal reflection to shine we can feel the at-one-ment with each other.

Gay relationships have been around since first man, and there are numerous writings on this fact, so it’s not new, it’s not intriguing, nor is it a sideshow at a circus, it’s just a natural beautiful expression of being. If we allow ourselves the grace to be the deeply loving and understanding beings we are then there is never a need to conform to what is expected of us; we each have our own lives to lead and in that there is a responsibility, and this is not only to others but to ourselves first. Understand the all that you are and your part in this world and never feel pressured into being something that you are not. The deep truth in every one of us comes from the same source, no matter the flavour of our expression. We all need to see ourselves first as the beautiful beings we are and from that the magic happens.

So, to all you beautiful people out there – gay, straight, or whatever you are born to be – live your life to the fullness of who you are, embrace your beauty within, love yourself and each other, never apologise or feel pressured into being anything other than what your inner heart expresses. Because in there lies the truth and when you follow that, nothing can get in your way.

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AcceptanceGaySame sex relationshipsRole models

  • By Andrew Allen

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