A cycle of real relationship

A reading can be very simple and seemingly inconspicuous, but nevertheless deeply revealing and activating. That is how I experienced a reading with Serge Benhayon when I saw him the first time for a session in 2005.

At the time I was involved with a woman that would later become my wife, but that was not what I felt or would have considered when I got to meet Serge. Actually, I was looking for a way to not be in relationship with her and wanted a confirmation that would allow me to step away without any doubts or insecurities to trouble me about such a move. That in and of itself already was significant as potentially I was in touch with something that I didn‘t want to realize and admit. So, I told Serge that I wasn't really attracted to her and that I didn't feel ‘being in love’ the way I knew myself to be in love from former relationships. My preferred conclusion was that she was not the right woman for me and that we should just be friends and forget about all the relationship stuff once and for all.

But something was niggling me. My former relationships had been emotionally and sexually quite intense which I considered to be normal at the time, but it all ended up in pain and drama after about two years maximum with quite a period of recovery thereafter before I felt ’ready‘ for the next, if at all. I realised some pattern that I didn't want to repeat all over again. Although a part of me missed the passion and intensity that I was used to when falling in love, with this woman I had a very tender and loving feeling in my heart that I never had before and didn't quite understand. I had never even felt that place in my body I learnt to call ’my heart‘. Everything was new, different and somehow strange to me.

After sharing this, Serge replied:

"Maybe this tender, loving feeling is a good start"

That was obviously not the answer I was looking for, instead it nurtured that sense of something that I could not simply shake off and was seeking for permission to turn away from. So, I gave myself the space to let Serge´s words and the feeling in my heart sink in deeper over the following days, weeks and months and a cascade of insights and revelations regarding the truth of love, sex, emotions, attraction and relationship unfolded.

After the reading the tender, loving feeling actually deepened and expanded the more I allowed my hurts and protections to be disclosed. About eight months later we decided to leave behind the friendship period and commit to being in relationship which soon after led us to finding a home to live together. To be honest, in the first four or five years I found it one of the most challenging things in my life to face all the unresolved stuff around relationship, exposing and letting go of the ideals, insecurities and fantasies around partnership, opening up to until-then-unknown levels of commitment, openness, honesty, trust and intimacy and so much more. In 2011 we eventually got married as we felt ready for that next step of unfolding. One of the greatest surprises was that it got better and better as in easier, lighter, deeper, more loving, joyful and enjoyable – quite the opposite to the classic one year of honeymoon followed by a hard landing in reality within another two years or as for many with children some years later down the line when the children eventually are old enough to realise that not much is left of the love (or what was considered to be love) at the very beginning.

In the years leading up to 2022 we at some point missed the train, i.e. we stopped being responsive to the necessary unfoldment for the relationship to stay alive, enriching and forever growing. Nothing was bad as such, we continued to be very respectful, caring and got on with life in a way that looked very okay, but the truth was we stagnated and neither of us was blossoming anymore. We had settled for the familiar and could have gone on but thankfully we were made aware of our situation by people close to us who didn´t allow us to each be less than they knew us to be. As shocking as that moment was it shook us out of the stupor and boringness that had got a hold on us by our own negligence. Instead of trying to justify or fight against the revelation we faced and assessed the situation with all honesty and willingness to respond accordingly. Within two weeks we separated and my wife moved in with a friend giving both of us space to sort ourselves out.

The following year leading to our divorce thirteen months later we came back to our original qualities of being with each other – not one bad thought, word, blame, guilt or behaviour towards each other, instead absolute respect, delicateness, re-awakened honesty and openness in the way we talked, attended to the legal formalities and presented ourselves within our circle of friends and families.

The separation year was a deep healing and at the same time new beginning for each of us starting their unexpected new life involving new relationships, new career options, new homes and a deepening with friends. The final divorce at court was a celebration and confirmation of our original qualities and movements after the separation, completing the cycle of 20+ years since we had gotten to know each other.

Today we deeply appreciate and celebrate each other’s relationship and the returned richness of life. And all of that from some very simple, unimposing and inconspicuous words by Serge Benhayon in response to my question, confirming and nurturing the seed of a then possible relationship and two people ready to explore the potential. Still today it is an ongoing unfoldment, now in other relationships and places but as a continuation of the same principles and sciences that constitute true love, real relationship, forever unfoldment and enrichment as only the Ageless Wisdom and its true representatives provide equally for all of humanity.

Filed under

Divorce, Healthy relationships, Love, Marriage