From reactions and tensions, to harmony within the family

From reactions and tensions, to harmony within the family

From reactions and tensions, to harmony within the family

It’s no secret that mothers often complain about how their kids speak to them and to each other, and how horrible it feels.

How many times have we heard that? Often as parents, we can end up putting up with how our kids talk to us in a way we would certainly not tolerate from a friend.

So why is that?

Yet on the other hand, it would be interesting to get feedback from kids on how they feel when their parents speak to them at times – about the tone that may often come through and how this impacts on them. Perhaps on one level or another there would be similar feedback coming from both the kids and the parents.

Often as parents we may not be aware of the patterns of tension that we can carry from having a bad day when we may be feeling frustrated or angry. This tension, if not responsibly addressed, then comes through into our interactions with our kids. Children are super, super sensitive and can pick up the slightest emotion in our voices – be it harshness, frustration, expectation or disapproval that perhaps we are not even aware of. Just as the tensions we experience in our day-to-day can be projected onto our children, kids also have their own tensions that come into their interactions with us and with their siblings.

In the school environment a lot of really awful interactions can go down.

To cope with all the dynamics playing out – which often include the use of derogatory and harsh language and physical interactions – kids often start to bury what doesn’t feel good and numb themselves in an attempt to desensitise from feeling how bad these situations actually feel. What is normal language in the school environment these days? Here are some samples from young teenagers reporting on what you’d hear if you were there….

“You are such a f#@% head”
“You’re a hoe”
“You’re a fag”
“Show us your tits”

Over time, as this behaviour escalates in the school environment and becomes commonplace, what once felt really awful soon becomes the ‘new normal’.

In order to not feel the hurt of this, kids start to toughen up, which in itself causes a tension in their bodies. This tension and way of interacting often comes back with the kids after school and plays out in how they interact at home.

As I observed my own kids’ interactions when tension was felt, I could also feel that the same frustration they were feeling towards each other was what I also felt with them at times. The only difference is I didn't get as vocal or as animated but I definitely carried the same flavours of frustration and tension that the kids were feeling with each other.

"To the esoteric heart, anything less than harmony is conflict, To the esoteric heart, anything less than love is self-struggle and thus an inner-fighting, To an esoteric heart, the conflict, the self-struggle and the inner-fighting with oneself – equals a war with self."

Serge Benhayon Esoteric & Exoteric Philosophy, p 420

As parents we have the opportunity and responsibility to keep developing the way we interact in our families so that the very thing that is desired – harmony and love within our families – is able to be enjoyed.

Kids learn best by example rather than words:

When parents take the lead with this development and start to call out the behaviour that is not respectful and loving of each other, by first taking responsibility for the tensions we are bringing into our interactions with our kids, the bar gets raised, providing a gravitational pull for our kids to do the same.

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Teaching children as role models

Children learn not only from what we tell them but also from watching how our body is reflecting the way we live.

We are not talking about perfection in motherhood or parenthood.

As with anything in life, moving from reactions and tension to harmony in the home is definitely a work in progress, but what is very significant is that even the smallest change in our understanding that comes from working on what we are bringing into our interactions with our kids has a very strong and powerful ripple effect…. no ‘teaching’ required, our living example in these moments says it all.

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How to support children dealing with school

Teaching a child energetic awareness is even more important than teaching them to read and write.

Filed under

Raising children SchoolTension

  • Photography: Dean Whitling, Brisbane based photographer and film maker of 13 years.

    Dean shoots photos and videos for corporate portraits, architecture, products, events, marketing material, advertising & website content. Dean's philosophy - create photos and videos that have magic about them.