Discovering the missing ingredient in my life
Discovering the missing ingredient in my life
When I first met Serge Benhayon back in 2005 I was immersed in many spiritual or new age modalities proclaiming to have the answers for all our woes and problems. I had been searching for the ‘missing ingredient’ for many years, and I can now feel that this came with a kind of subtle arrogance, that I was better than others because I had gained all this ‘so-called wisdom’ and was trying to improve my life.
On the outside my life appeared to be successful and happy, but underneath there was some unsettlement connected with how I felt at times, like something was missing, something was not quite as I knew it was meant to be; this is very difficult to put into words. Despite embracing these ‘alternative’ modalities, nothing really changed. There may have been a slight feeling of relief after an extended 5-10 day course, but did anything truly change? The honest answer was no. I remained on the hamster wheel going around and around but in reality, nothing in my life was truly changing.
I attended my first Universal Medicine workshop – Heart Chakra, presented by Serge Benhayon, in 2005. There was something about this workshop that I knew was different to everything I had previously attended. Shortly thereafter I attended my first Sacred Esoteric Healing Level One training, also presented by Serge.
Jump forward to the present day. It is only in the last few years that I can truly say that now I am not living, in any shape or form, like I was living back in 2005 and prior to that.
What Serge presented always did, and still does, make so much sense: I wanted to live in a way that was to me at the deep level of truth and integrity in which he was presenting, and that I had not come across in the world before. Truth and integrity to me are paramount in all aspects of life. So I chose to bring these attributes that resonated so strongly with me first into my life; attributes that I felt would honour this way of living, like starting to really care for myself, appreciate myself and even starting to love myself. At a very deep level I knew I was a beautiful being, yet there was more self-loathing than self-love in my body back in 2005. To begin with I had no idea how these new choices would look or be, but I kept my intention and choices to bring this new way of being in. I was supported by attending the Esoteric Healing courses and having sessions with Esoteric practitioners.
The change has been gradual, and cumulative, and dare I say, even dramatic. Now I can reflect upon and see how I was back in 2005, but whilst I was living in that old rhythm I was not able to stand back and see because I was so caught living in it.
To give a few examples of what has changed:
I used to be arrogant because of the ‘supposed wisdom’ I had accumulated through the extensive trainings I had completed. I had trained in Acupuncture back in 1994 under some of the leading teachers and professors in that field, later working part time as a tutor. I stopped practising in 2004 as I became really ill from absorbing energy, letting my clients’ illnesses and disturbances affect me, but the arrogance was still there under the surface. Back then I did not feel the arrogance, but now it feels horrible to even be reminded of it.
I had recently come out of a long-term relationship where I had exclusively given what I thought was love to this man and my two children. I was emotional and needy, looking for love outside myself. I knew this way of being was not true, but did not know how to truly heal and be in the world. Since attending the Sacred Esoteric Courses and talks by Serge Benhayon I have been actively choosing care, appreciation, and love for myself, and as this deepens so does my neediness reduce. Now my love emanates out for all, not just to a select few.
I have been choosing to heal and let go of my hurts, and so as the number of hurts has reduced so have my reactions, and if I do react, I generally catch it much quicker. This all supports me to live life with deeper levels of stillness and steadiness and so be able to observe more instead of getting drawn into complications or issues.
Before meeting Serge Benhayon I was seeking happiness, and other things, outside myself. It was easy to go into frustration, judgement, resentment or anger, whereas now I feel content, settled, and even joyful most of the time. I know these feelings come from inside me as a result of how I am living. In short, I enjoy my life, I do not need to seek anything from outside myself to stimulate or make me feel complete. Have I found that missing ‘something’?
Back in the old days I could easily be in a ‘victim’ mentality, and see no way out of it. Now I take responsibility for how I live and what I am here to bring to everyone I meet; no hiding or withdrawing from life anymore but more embracing my purpose and supporting others in ways I am able. This does not mean this old pattern of ‘victim’ does not occasionally try to creep in, but I am aware of it now, and choose to let it go, knowing I am a powerful woman and can make new choices.
These are just a few examples of how my life has completely turned itself around with the offered wisdom Serge Benhayon presents and shares for all of us; I finally found what was missing in my life – the real me. How I am living now has an effect on everyone I come into contact with, so my changes affect many, and likewise who they connect with affects yet more people; a ripple effect.
I am eternally grateful and appreciative for the wisdom, acceptance and love that Serge Benhayon shares on an ongoing basis that supports me and thousands of other people to be true to themselves.