The fragility within self-empowerment
The fragility within self-empowerment
Where are we at as women in the world in terms of our daily our lives, and do we feel content within ourselves and hold a sense of true self-empowerment in the way we live? Or are we feeling like the usual definitions of self-love and self-nurturing don’t quite live up to expectations and so we keep searching for something ‘more’, even though we may not be able to quite put our finger on what that ‘more’ is, or what it looks like? I certainly acknowledge I’ve done my share of searching and coming up empty handed for much of my life! However, over recent times an important shift has occurred as I’ve worked on resetting my relationship with myself, i.e. learning to identify, accept and appreciate my innate qualities and very importantly, my ‘fragility’.
The following quotes on fragility drew my attention recently as they very richly convey a much deeper understanding of the topic than I, and those around me, have been conditioned to believe. The usual picture of fragility is feeling weak and pathetic and therefore vulnerable and uncomfortably exposed.
The first quote I came across was:
"Fragility is the ability, for us, to feel where we are at, and surrender to it."Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings & Revelations Volume I, ed 1, p 517
Years ago I would have not even stopped to do more than glance at these words, let alone ‘surrendered’ to the point where the whole meaning of what’s offered here could have penetrated. When we mentally think about ‘surrendering’ there can be a perception of giving up that can feel unsafe to many people and consequently, a situation to be avoided at all costs. But I’ve discovered that fragility is the exact opposite of the loss of control that many of us think it would mean. Instead a beautiful re-awakening has occurred where I can connect with a part of me that actually feels quite sacred and yes – I can feel a ‘fragility’ that I’ve learned to welcome, rather than want to shut down. What’s more, I’ve found that self-worth and fragility go hand in hand, with each having a positive influence on the other. As my life has changed direction by embracing my fragility, so too I’ve met many other women who have also had similar experiences and who, to varying degrees, now accept and enjoy their fragility.
Following on from the above, another ‘fragility’ quote drew my attention and has supported me to take my understanding of the subject and my relationship with myself deeper:
"There is a strength in fragility that is not being honoured because if you are not strong in hurtful situations you are considered weak. Fragility offers us a moment of honesty where we can let ourselves truly feel when an incident has hurt us."Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings & Revelations Volume I, ed 1, p 524
Again, it was easy to dismiss these words quickly and move onto doing something else, but when I came back to them and allowed myself to stop, breathe and just ponder on what the content of these sentences was offering, I realised that I too had been doing exactly what so many women do. Women’s lifestyles have led most of us to skim along the surface of life, going from one thing to the next, burying our hurts along the way and being inclined to see life in a one-dimensional, outer fixated way. Self-love is buried under a mountain of stress caused by our own and others’ expectations of ourselves. After all, everything around us feeds us the message that if we just try harder, look prettier, lose weight, gain another qualification etc., everything in our lives will be great, or even perfect. When this way of living doesn’t work, we feel wounded and the pain of rejection and associated emotions such as shame, anger and so forth lead us to search frantically for a means of escape, whether that be through words or behaviours. Rather than feel the hurt, we tend to gloss over the fact that our current model of life isn’t working, and we try and push on through, despite the cost.
Have we ever stopped to realise that this is actually a form of self-abuse that’s cleverly hidden, yet in plain sight when we know to look for it? How important is it then that we do allow ourselves these moments of honesty where we step off the merry-go-round and let ourselves feel the truth of what has caused us to feel crushed, including if possible, the backstory to what has occurred, so that then we can heal and move on without carrying that burden with us?
The reality is that, although it may feel like it at times, we are not powerless and just victim to what is going on around us.
It has been difficult at times to really accept that I have been the architect of my own end product through readily swallowing all the stories and social conditioning that told me how I should be if I wanted to be accepted by others and to feel like I fitted in. Indeed, I am my own living experiment and was caught up in a hard, driven way of life until I was ready to face what was going on and admit that I’d been searching for answers in the wrong places. Who I am on the inside was totally disregarded – yet without knowing this, how could I ever feel settled and be able to accept and appreciate myself?
Through a bodily connection we have an inbuilt alarm system that very loudly lets us know that any form of overriding our fragility and delicateness is signalling we are off track. As a woman, I now know full well the pitfalls of living anything less than in harmony with my genuine self and what that does to my sense of self-worth and general equilibrium. I’ve realised that my choices lead me in one direction or the other with experience showing me that there is a world of difference between living my delicacy and fragility and how I feel when I’m dismissing or overriding these qualities.
In fact, I’ve come to realise that disregarding the communication from my body is actually a subtle form of self-abuse because I’m going against, or fighting, my natural way of living. When I’m caught in the latter way, I’m saying ‘yes’ to settling for less because I’ve let my standards and values slide. The impact is quite pervasive; I find myself entangled in all sorts of reactions and dramas and in that state, I go into self-doubt, judgement, blame, right and wrong, good and bad and so forth. Feeling drained and exhausted I am then left vulnerable to other forms of abuse, be that through my own thinking and behaviours, or that of another.
Gradually over time the honest questioning led me to a stopping point where I could concentrate on my breathing and feel inwardly what was in that core part of me; in my essence. From there came moments where I had a growing realisation of what true self-empowerment means.
I could feel that, despite all the outer impositions and imperfections, I was naturally very fragile inside, and within that fragility was a strength that felt more solid and powerful than anything else I had ever encountered.
It remains a work in progress, but the more normal it’s become to tune into what’s happening in my body, the stronger that connection and the more I have been able to feel the preciousness and delicacy, i.e. the fragility, that is ‘me’.
Instead of the focus on functionality, I can now appreciate my inner qualities. I’ve realised that fragility and self-worth are not things that the outside world can give or teach me as they can only come from inside me. The stronger the conscious link to my essence, albeit not without its ups and downs along the way, the more it has felt like a real coming home. It’s a form of deep self-nurturing that I’m learning to appreciate, but that we, especially as women, have barely acknowledged beyond the lip service. Now, whenever I lose this connection, the disturbance in my body can be easily felt and there is simply no question as to which energy I would prefer to live in!
The journey I, and women around the world, have been on, and will forever continue to be on, has been one of self-discovery – learning to self-love and appreciate ourselves and our unique qualities. It’s the ongoing development of a whole body/mind/soul interconnected way of living that includes allowing space and time to work on the things we find challenging along the way in a non-critical, self-nurturing manner. We can address any signs of self-abuse that may arise as we move along the self-realisation path, such as the previously unnoticed ways we discredit ourselves when we play hard or small, thinking we can control life. Instead, we have the opportunity to come back to true self-empowerment; a model of living where we deeply value, honour and nurture the beautiful ‘fragility’ within each and every one of us.
Our fragility is simply stunning to feel and witness and as many women are discovering, it’s worth the commitment and honesty it takes to reach that point where we can say ‘ah’, ‘yes’, there I am; that is me – and I am gloriously fragile!’.
"Fragility expressed in its truth, is good medicine for us all."Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings & Revelations Volume II, ed 1, p 319