Women’s thoughts about Mother’s Day
Women’s thoughts about Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day is considered a major highlight for women who have entered into motherhood! But what are women’s thoughts about Mother’s Day? You might be surprised to know that whilst this is a topic every woman has an opinion on, as the responses below clearly show, there is a depth to the discussion that is both revealing and potentially inspiring for us all.
Every day is an opportunity for a woman to celebrate herself from the inside out, even if at first it may feel strange and unfamiliar.
Mothers do so much for everyone – for their families, their workplaces and communities. We as a society also recognise well the role that mothers play in daily life. The current state of play for all mothers means that we don’t celebrate a mother for who she is – her qualities, her care, before she does something. This is where we find the true gold within a mother, in her qualities. Every day is an opportunity for a woman to celebrate herself from the inside out, even if at first it may feel strange and unfamiliar. Every day is also an opportunity for her to be celebrated by the people in her life for how deeply valuable she is in what she brings to life before she even gets out of bed or does a thing.
I love to express that I love my mother, but not by force on a moment like Mother’s Day.
Mother's Day always feels unnatural to me. To bring my mother a present or flowers is something I love to do, but why do we need a special day in the year where the outer world tells us, with its commercials and product displays, that we need to buy something for our mother? I am more of a natural person who likes buying things when I feel the impulse. To give another a gift is a gift to myself too, but it is letting it happen in the unscheduled moment, chosen from the heart, that’s what makes the magic. I love to express that I love my mother, but not by force on a moment like Mother’s Day that the world is telling me to. It comes in the moment when it comes. I love to hug her on the days I feel to do so.
Ideals and beliefs about Mother’s Day can make us feel pressured into action and guilty if we don’t do something. If we forget or don’t do the ‘right’ thing on the day we apparently do not really love our mum.... ouch! These lies we have bought into make an obligation out of Mother’s Day and is that really what our mums want us to do? Has the commercialisation of Mother’s Day got anything to do with love?
We see mothers equally get caught up in the lie by having expectations and being disappointed when we do not deliver and act how we should on Mother's Day. The rule is that we should be buying presents and flowers and telling her she is the best, coming around for a visit or taking her out for the day and so on, which in truth asks us all to let go of our natural rhythm around when and how we feel to express our love and appreciation of our Mum. Instead we feel the pressure of being the 'good' child, or even worse feeling the tension of unresolved issues we may have with our mum that get covered up with niceness for a day.
Instead of all this demand around Mother’s Day, let’s make life about celebrating ourselves and each other every day without privilege or over-responsibility being given to just one family member: let’s find our way back to our natural rhythm which shows us how to truly love one another and stop following the emotional manipulation that commercialisation profits by, at our expense. To be truthful to ourselves about Mother’s Day can be the biggest gift, not just to our mothers, but to the whole world.
I value mothering highly and its delicate loving warm embrace, and I am so glad I don’t just celebrate this on Mother’s Day, I celebrate people – especially me – in mothering, every day.
Mother’s Day for me used to be about being seen and recognised as being special and important. Definitely in those early years I loved the extra attention and recognition of how hard I was working and how special that role was. I now see how isolated I was, and how much I wanted support and love around me via the gesture of Mother’s Day. I now know how little I appreciated myself and how much I relied on getting it from the world around me. I do value and appreciate mothering in all its forms, I also know how many people have given me mothering in this life, even though we were not related as a parent/child. I notice my kids have benefitted so much from the care of other people, and their perceptions of what mothers ‘should’ do either cloud or confirm their experiences with me. I know there isn’t one right way to mother, I am simply letting the path unfold before me, and know there is so much to learn and experience, let be and grow. I appreciate all my children have brought to me, and it’s equal to all I have given them. I value mothering highly and its delicate loving warm embrace, and I am so glad I don’t just celebrate this on Mother’s Day, I celebrate people – especially me – in mothering, every day.
What is all the fuss about Mother’s Day?
My observation of Mother's Day as child was of it being simply a day to celebrate how hard my mum worked to look after us. I remember her holding great value in Mother's Day and she would ask us to make a flower corsage for her to wear on her dress for the entire day to help her appreciate that the effort she gave to her family was appreciated. As a young adult I felt Mother's Day was about getting Mum a present that she really liked so she would know how much I appreciated her, and making sure that we all got together to celebrate her being our mother. When I became a mother I remember feeling, what is all the fuss about Mother’s Day? I didn't need a day to recognise me and my mothering contribution to my family – I celebrated often, so having one ‘special’ day with all the attention on me wasn’t something I needed or hung out for to confirm my love for my family and my family’s love and appreciation of me.
In saying that I do realise how important it is for others to have the opportunity to acknowledge a mother's worth, however it comes back to my main point: if we celebrate ourselves always, make our movements in life purposeful and appreciate that quality we have been in as we go about our day every day, then being confirmed by others is just that – confirmation and not an expected recognition.
Why do we encourage Mums to stop just for one day, but watch them run ragged the other 364?
The first thing I think of with Mother's Day is the vastness of what my mum and all mothers bring to our lives. There is so much mothers do for us, 24/7, to care for us from pregnancy through to birth, childhood and into maturity and adulthood. It is ironic that so many Mother's Day gifts are around pampering as it seems to me that in all that doing, the last thing women truly do as mothers (and we as their family and friends truly support them to do by taking care and responsibility for ourselves), is make space to nurture themselves – to sink into the mode of truly stopping and letting a settling occur, letting go of the worries, the doubts and the drive that surround all the daily decisions mothers make and demands they try to meet . . . into a space where the woman can be felt in her wisdom, stillness and gracefulness.
- Why do we encourage mums to stop just for one day, but watch them run ragged the other 364?
- How can we observe one member of our family taking on an unequal burden without questioning them and ourselves about it?
With respect, it's like living life like a washing machine cycle and having all the parts of its cycle operating, not just the swish and swash movement, but the stop part too where the soaking occurs . . . mothers tend to spend their time stuck in the swish and swash doing, doing, doing part, but the space of the stop and soak is such an important part of the cycle that allows the swish and swash to work well and effectively. 364 days of swish and swash with one day of stop and soak doesn’t seem right, but isn’t that the cycle most mothers end up on? Is it easier for us to celebrate mums by giving them a day off from mothering than it is to take responsibility for ourselves every day?
(Lets) move away from the ‘celebration’ of the ‘doing’ to a true appreciation of what mothers truly bring to the world.
As Mother’s Day approaches and I reflect on the purpose of this day I feel conflicted. The commercialisation, the build-up . . . is it a ‘celebration’ of the many tasks mothers ‘do’ for us and therefore time to 'give her a break' or ‘day off’ from the ‘role' of mothering, a role which has been outlined in the society book of ideals and pictures of how a mother should behave, a role that she has signed up to herself, or rather, is it a day to truly appreciate the woman or women in our lives who offer the gentle, supportive, holding energy of mothering/parenting that we feel in its true sense?
To have this day in the calendar is an opportunity for the community to deepen their relationship with mothers and move away from the ‘celebration’ of the ‘doing’ to a true appreciation of what mothers truly bring to the world, and an opportunity for mothers to reflect on mothering and how they live their own life and support themselves For doesn’t true appreciation of mothers by all start with the mothers having a true appreciation of themselves first?
What are women teaching the next generation about how to live life, especially as women and mothers?
As another Mother’s Day approaches, people everywhere are gearing up for that special day. Advertising fills every area of the media and retailers ramp up their displays to entice shoppers to purchase ‘that special gift’ to show appreciation to a mother, step-mother, partner, grandmother or friend. Learning that Mother’s Day is ‘special’ starts early, for example, young children in child care facilities are encouraged to make cards and gifts for their mothers in readiness for Mother’s Day. When the day arrives, traditionally it often signals a woman’s ‘day off’ from the usual carer responsibilities and home duties as men and children step forward to fill the gaps that many mothers routinely fulfil.
Yet while all this is a wonderful confirmation of the value of women everywhere, what does it say about the everyday lives of women?
Why is it permissible for this one day of the year for mothering to be visibly appreciated, yet for the remainder of the year any sort of honouring of women and their mothering role is often viewed as being selfish, indulgent and therefore frowned upon?
Furthermore, when we step back and look at how this is playing out worldwide, there appears to be a few glaring discrepancies in living this way. As women we commonly hold up such high ideals and beliefs around mothering that the expected norm is for women to constantly self-sacrifice, especially for their children, and to generally be ‘super-woman’ fitting in a hectic schedule of children, work, partners, family obligations, etc. These assumptions apply even if it means becoming ill. Exhaustion is rife, as is living constantly in the drive of what needs to be done next on the ‘to do list’.
If it’s not working (and clearly, it’s not when we look at the lack of health and wellbeing of women worldwide!), are we willing to ask ourselves:
Where is the true self-care, nurturing and honouring?
What are women teaching the next generation about how to live life, especially as women and regarding mothering?
How would that be a game changer in terms of ‘mothering’ generally if women stopped and said ‘no more’ to living the way we have mostly been living for so long that it has become the accepted norm?
Mothers globally have so much to offer humanity and humanity is hungry for the contribution of women. The exquisite qualities of a woman in her true state – the delicateness, preciousness, stillness, the connection to the sacredness equally existing within all women – is truly irresistible. Knowing this, it makes sense for us all to support each other to make every day a ‘Mother’s Day’.
Mother’s Day could be reframed as an opportunity, gently bringing the other 364 days into the equation.
I have always found Mother’s Day an interesting concept; even when I was young the question always lingered – why is it just one day? I carried a sense that mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, acquaintances, random connections are all to be appreciated when and where the exchange / interaction / connection occurs, not on a nominated single day of the year when we scramble to purchase the expected fluffy slippers, flowers, chocolates, breakfast in bed, brunch at the local café or dinner out on the town whatever the flavour. But as the years have passed and my power of observation deepened I began to appreciate the necessity for the One Day, at least in the current framework we as a society operate. This One Day is a stop, an opportunity to appreciate the multi-tasking, putting self last, over-riding her own feelings, super mothers operating within our daily lives. But is it ‘the family’ who are inspired to appreciate, or is it a moment for mothers to appreciate themselves? It seems, a combination of the aforementioned is required, for it opens the conversation to a deeper level:
If mothers are not truly stopping to appreciate themselves, how can others be expected to appreciate them on a day-to-day basis if there is little reflection, little model of self-care originating from the woman herself?
As women, if operating our lives from drive, a push to complete, is not impulsed from a true foundation that honours our innate rhythm, a surrendering to both stillness/sacredness in balance with the multi-tasking, then it’s likely this way of being will result in exhaustion and eventual illness and disease in the body. We innately know this, yet we push on, we over-ride when everything within is telling us to rest, if just for a moment. Whereas, if we saw the One Day as a constant repeat of the 24hrs over a 365 day cycle, then by all means let’s celebrate the One Day/One Life, but unfortunately this level of self-care is not yet the norm.
If stopping for one nominated day to honour ourselves as mothers, or to honour the one who has offered a quality of mothering to us, whilst entertaining the possibility that appreciation of self and others is an everyday movement or way of life, then ‘Mother’s Day’ could be reframed as an opportunity, gently bringing the other 364 days into the equation.
"We must let go of all those belief systems and values that feed the mind into believing what we are told rather than knowing what is truth from the impulses that live within the inner-most of every being."Serge Benhayon Esoteric & Exoteric Philosophy – 'The Sayings', ed 1, p 203