Relationship games – fear of losing love

Everyone wants to love, everyone wants to be loved; it’s probably number one on our list of things we want from life.

But is it possible that even though we say we want love more than anything else, that we actually also fear love more than anything else . . . we fear having love and then losing that love and the devastation and sadness that this would bring with it. And so to protect ourselves from this fear of loss we hold back and avoid the intimacy that will bring the depths and joy of true love into our lives.

"In TRUTH, nothing hurts more than when another person is not love, the real hurt is always either us or them not being love. If you want a truth-full and love-filled life, drop the guard and let us all in."

Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings and Revelations

Do you remember your very first relationship? Butterflies in your tummy, falling head over heels in love, the discovery of each other, the first kiss, the adventure of the path of love, anything was possible.

Unfortunately very few of us last the distance and are still with our first love. For most of us the first break up is very painful, we feel very hurt and sad to feel that our relationship has ended. And so to protect ourselves we surround ourselves with a guard, a guard that says, ‘I will never, ever feel this pain again.’ And this guard protects us at all costs 24/7 to prevent us ever feeling that pain - no one can get into our safe inner sanctum, it is a vault.

However the big problem is that this guard, this cast iron protection, also keeps us separate from everyone – it keeps us inside the vault, and everyone else outside the vault – and so the very thing we want the most, love with another, is also kept out! It is a giant Catch 22!

The vault ensures the sadness and hurt we felt remains with us and in our bodies. It is trapped inside with us. We start to be more cautious and play relationship games to protect ourselves. This cautious way means we only share the parts of us that we feel safe to show, the parts we feel others will like and make us love-worthy. And we hide the parts that we think won’t be attractive to others, or others may not like. We moderate who we are, we close whole parts of ourselves off to others. We almost have a secret inner life and a different outer life – the one the people around us see. And the sad thing is that we can do this with almost everyone, even our family and friends.

60% Complete

Why we don’t let love in

Everything you always wanted to know about love but didn’t ask! This is one of our favourite talks and we highly recommend it.

I met my first boyfriend at age 18. I fell head over heels in love until 2 years later I was devastated to find out he had started an affair. Immediately the barriers came up and I shut down and I locked all of that hurt and deep sadness inside with me. From then on in this state I ‘tried’ to have relationships with others but always the vault came in the way – Fort Knox had nothing on me! I shared very little of myself, I was ultra cautious and always ready for when the relationships would end even before it had started. The vault was like my insurance policy, as I could always retreat there. But the truth was, there was no retreat needed as I was already in the vault, locked away, with my unhealed hurt.

What changed? A friend introduced me to Serge Benhayon by way of a Sacred Esoteric Healing session and I then booked in to attend a one day workshop now called The Livingness 1. I continued to have sessions and attend Universal Medicine events and from there my life started to change . . . REALLY CHANGE!

I started to look after and truly care for me by being gentle and loving with myself. This gave me the strength and confidence to feel how the vault was actually a very constricting place to live in – and it kept love out. I had sessions to help me heal the pain I had felt and had locked away all those years ago – a pain that had affected all my relationships since. As I healed I started to be honest and reveal the real me to those around me, to let the guard down and to let people in. And, as I allowed this to happen, so my confidence, my trust and my willingness to be open and intimate with others grew.

Something truly amazing happened – I started to have fun and enjoy being with people and to feel the love for myself and others once more.

Now I am aware of the relationship games I have played and no longer have to play them – I found the key, oiled the hinges and now the vault door is open.

Filed under


  • By Alison Leca, BA(Hons), Practitioner of Universal Medicine Therapies, EPA Recognised

  • Photography: Iris Pohl, Photographer and Videographer

    Iris Pohl is an expert in capturing images with a natural light style. Little to no time is needed for photoshop editing and the 'original' moment captured to represent your brand and remain in its authenticity.