The merry-go-round of a perfect life

Do you sometimes feel like you are constantly on the treadmill of life?

Do you strive to be greater, more financially comfortable, recognised or even rich?

Are you in the constant drive of competition with your peers, your friends, your family?

All of the above are traits we as human beings strive for; we are in the constant struggle of reaching the unattainable goal of earthly riches, fame and fortune in the constant pursuit of the perfect life. But what is actually a perfect life? Does the perfect life even exist? Or is it something we are told about from an early age, something our parents and peers have strived for which then in turn gets handed to the next generation to seek.

We dream of a better life for ourselves and our loved ones. And in this picture we seek, we can find ourselves in the constant drive to excel, to be the best and at any cost to our own health and others’.

So, if there really is an attainable goal of the perfect life with its countless riches and comfort as the prize, why is it that those that claim to have found it are not in fact content with it? Once all the riches you desire are yours, is that it? Is that the holy grail of a life accomplished? A time for us to sit back and bask in the glory of what has been achieved?

For thousands of years man has sought a utopia, a place where comfort was king, a place that was seen to be the place where you could hold your head high in society and claim your rightful place amongst those that also attained a degree of wealth and privilege.

Where does this drive and fascination with seeking riches and comfort stem from? Could it be from a fear of not having enough, feeling less around others? Not fulfilling the dream or the picture of life you have been given by others?

Are we constantly in a movement, trapped on a merry-go-round called betterment that once we step onto seems almost impossible to step off?

There is a constant internal dialogue which is endlessly playing out various scenarios: these can take on the form of not being good enough or having something to prove to not only our friends, family and peers but ourselves, and add to that the need for being accomplished, recognised and having the external material possessions to back this up. Is it only then we feel worthy, feel that we have somehow made it, somehow made all the struggle worthwhile?

From our tender years of growing up, our parents and peers tell us to be focussed, work hard, get everything in life you want no matter the cost to you or others. And so we take this and run with it without even stopping to consider if this feels right or wrong; we not only have this narrative fed to us by our closest family, but we adopt it like it was our own truth. The constant barrage of words spoken and thoughts in our heads raise a fear in us, a fear that is not born from within you but given to you, taken from the very fears the generations before us have carried and gifted to you.

But did that so called gift of truth come from us or have we merely taken what is spoken to us without first discerning if it feels true in our bodies?

If we allow ourselves to be influenced by what others proclaim to be their truth, are we not then just agreeing and aligning to what is offered without any true discernment of what we know innately to be right or wrong?

If someone tells you constantly for instance that you only have one life and you have to make the most of it, enjoy every moment, experience what it has to offer, let no one stand in your way of what it is you want, what you desire, then do we not start to believe this?

Do we not then have a view of life as being short and final and we become driven to ensure we get everything we desire, no matter what we have to endure to attain the perfect life?

From this movement do we not then become only focussed on what we can get from life, what we can accumulate to ensure we are comfortable and happy no matter the consequence of what this path entails and the destruction we leave behind in the pursuit of success, only for us to then sit in the protection of what we have built?

We build a fortress around ourselves, a fortress that becomes impenetrable to others, all this from firstly believing and saying yes to what we have been told and sold.

I have certainly been on this merry-go-round of illusion. I wanted to be the king of the world, to be known, to be liked, loved and respected. I wanted security, wealth and comfort. I realised after many decades on this merry-go-round that I was exhausted, emotional, sad and very lonely. There was a stop moment for me, which many people have. It wasn’t like a bolt of lightning hit me and I suddenly had a realisation, it was more from a feeling of deep unrest – a moment that said yes, my life on the surface looks great, but why do I not feel amazing in it?

Why does it feel like I am constantly in the struggle of betterment and of security?

These realisations happen all the time: we are constantly held in such a deep love, a love that permeates each and every particle of our bodies, and from this innate love is a call, a constant call, to stop, to allow our-self a moment to clearly see the truth, and that call is your soul. It is the place where Love, Truth, Harmony, Stillness and Joy reside; a place that holds us in the Magnificence and power we are all from.

Even though at the time I did not truly know what was happening, I had in fact never really connected on any level that it was my Soul that was constantly there in those moments when I felt at my lowest and exhausted by the life I was living. It was my Soul that was a constant; a constant resonant love that was always there waiting for me to stop, to truly feel its presence and from there the choice was mine to align to it or to continue in the emptiness I so desperately wanted to erase.

With this I stepped off this destructive merry-go-round, and in stepping off I could see where I had been and it was so far from the true man I was. I had become a product of everyone else’s fears and failed ambition, including my own. The first step for me was to see how little I valued myself; you can have the expensive car and clothes and money in the bank but if you don’t truly and deeply value yourself first, all these things are but window dressings and only further perpetuate the empty feeling inside.

I began to allow myself the space to observe where I was at in my life, the fog had started to clear, and I could feel that by allowing this immense love that had always been there to evolve; I could start to see where I was in my life. One area that held me in its grip was the excessive drinking and partying, which only fuelled the destructive behaviour of beating myself up and the feeling of not being enough.

When I really started to look at these parts of my life, I started to see that everything was a learnt habit, something I had aligned to from another’s way of living. Yes of course there is choice and in that a personal responsibility for my own choices, but I felt like I had been like a wolf following the pack.

The steps from here became clearer from firstly seeing that I was not being the true me, my true self – I was a blend of every parent, grandparent, school friend, work colleague, then add to this the traumas, the failed relationships and rejection, the family conflicts...

Blend all this together and you have a dense recipe that is then moulded to form this persona I wanted to show the world, and with that persona I built a fence that only I could open.

From this realisation and my deepening relationship with my Soul I began to change the direction of how I viewed my life, how I viewed those around me; I began to see clearly the misery masked by ambition, a mask I willingly wore. Sometimes it takes a moment of helplessness, of devastation, for us to see what holds us in our lives, but we don’t have to wait for such devastation to occur: our lives should be full of joy and purpose, not a struggle that is driven in the fear of what others say life is or should be about.

There are always two paths in life – one path can bring you momentary happiness and the fleeting words of adoration that can make you feel great in that moment, or there is a way to live life in your true way with the love of your Soul, and with this truth and love you can bring all of you with no holding back and no apologies or fear of being less. We sometimes need to just take a moment to see which path we are on.

There is always a moment – a moment when your inner self calls. If we listen to this call, this wake-up, we can stop the constant merry-go-round and from there, from that moment we can choose to see what we have been part of. Life does not have to be a struggle; it is set up to be that way to make us feel we need to drive ourselves into the ground for success.

But if we allow ourselves to be free from a belief system that is not even ours then our lives can be full of joy, full of purpose and love.

In every breath we can surrender to a different call, our true call, and from there the richness and beauty of life is truly seen and felt.

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  • By Andrew Allen

  • Photography: Iris Pohl, Photographer and Videographer

    Iris Pohl is an expert in capturing images with a natural light style. Little to no time is needed for photoshop editing and the 'original' moment captured to represent your brand and remain in its authenticity.