Before and after a murder in the family
Before and after a murder in the family
I am in my seventy second year and looking back over the last ten years of my life, I am blown away by how much my life has changed for the better. How so? Ten or so years ago I was a very sad, miserable, withdrawn and ill woman who had lost all trust in humanity. Much of how I was feeling then was the result of how deeply I was hurting and feeling shattered by the cold-blooded murder of my brother.
Following my brother’s death, I found it a huge effort to get through each and every day and it was very often a relief at night to close my eyes in sleep, so as to escape the dreariness and overwhelm of my everyday life. One night as I was escaping into the world of sleep, I remember hoping that I would not wake up the next morning, as not only was I dealing with the repercussions of my brother’s passing, there was also the police investigation to deal with, and my brother’s estate to wind up, which was spread over five jurisdictions.
At that time I was employed as a radiographer at a busy London hospital where I would put on a brave face during work, which also served as a diversion and a distraction from the inner turmoil I was feeling. Apart from going to work, I would keep myself to myself in the false belief that I was protecting myself from further hurt.
One night as I was watching an interview with a woman whose son had been murdered, sharing about how her life had been ruined and that she did not now allow her children out of her sight, it dawned on me how the person who ended her son’s life was also ruining the life of the other members of his family. As I sat pondering on this, I vowed that I was not going to allow the person who ended my brother’s life to also ruin my life.
It was during this time that a friend introduced me to Universal Medicine and when its founder Serge Benhayon was next in London (where I lived at the time), I went along to his afternoon presentation and it would be an understatement to say that hearing, feeling and receiving what this man shared was a pivotal point in my life. I clearly remember sitting in the audience and saying to myself that here is a man I would love to speak to about the events surrounding my brother’s murder.
Two years later I had the blessing of having a one-to-one session with Serge and through the love he supported me with and in the space he allowed me, I was able to explore and express openly my true feelings about the devastating experience that I had allowed to rock my life. The emotions that I had experienced ranged from fury at the perpetrator, anger at my brother for placing himself in a vulnerable position, deep sadness and grief, disbelief at the horror of what had happened, loss of trust in people, and hatred of the country where my brother’s life was taken. When I spoke through my feelings with Serge, I started to see that there was a possible bigger picture to what happens when a murder is committed. Feeling the truth of this supported me to put to rest many of the unanswered questions I had been harbouring for quite a while. I remember walking away from my session feeling the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders and I felt that I could now move forward with my life, learn from the experience and start truly living again.
This I did with the support of Universal Medicine’s presentations and sessions with their practitioners; and putting into practice the wisdom that was shared with me, I now live a completely different life.
Through attending the presentations and sessions and sharing openly and honestly all the emotions I had experienced and which were still lingering in my body, I was able to start to look at their root cause and begin to let them go. I came to the understanding that wanting to avoid or numb myself to these feelings was keeping them stuck in my body – and myself stuck in a victim mode. So with the love, support and understanding that I was offered, I was able to turn things around and look at the learning I had been offered through the death of my brother.
One major learning I was supported to feel was how I had closed my heart to people in the false belief that I was protecting myself from further hurt. And I became aware that this served naught apart from keeping me in a prison of my own making, where I had not only closed down expressing the love that I am, but I was also not allowing others to love me.
I healed this by choosing to start loving someone whom I knew deep down loved me for who I truly am; I built a deep connection with her and I could feel my heart gradually opening, which allowed a love so true to flow between us. Having experienced this with one other and loving how it felt in my body, I slowly started to share this love with many, many others.
I now love people, enjoy life fully, contribute greatly to my local community, run two homes and at my recent annual health check I got a clean bill of health! Looking back at how my life was ten years ago feels like looking at a life belonging to somebody else; this is all due to my healing and letting go of past hurts, all thanks to the loving support of Serge Benhayon, his family, the Universal Medicine practitioners and fellow students of Universal Medicine.