My miraculous life
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My miraculous life
In the 1980’s, in amongst the fog and the haze of my intense drug and alcohol addiction, a very sweet and loving 12 year old asked me, ‘Why do you do this to yourself, Deb?’ And in those few seconds my inebriated brain sobered up completely and I thought, ‘I have no answer to that question’.
For in that question was the truth and within me, in a second, I recognised that truth. This is the basis of my miracle. The fact that I was operating 99.9% in fog but that the 0.1% of me could still recognise there was something more, something that held all the answers, something I was not allowing into my life at that stage, something that was greater than me. I didn’t stop taking drugs and alcohol at the stage I was asked the question, but the question hung around me forever and I never forgot how I felt at that exact moment.
Before I could stop drugs, alcohol and associated behaviour, I had to go a bit lower and I was the victim of an attempted murder by my partner. We were both coming down from a 4 day bender on amphetamines and neither of us was in a good way, but his behaviour got out of hand and if not for the actions of three strangers walking past, I would have died on that night. However, this is not the low I talk of… although it could be asked why would any ‘intelligent’ person keep using drugs and alcohol after an experience like that? Well I did. For another few years, until one night of excess left me passed out and not breathing on a bathroom floor. A friend who was at the same social gathering felt something to be wrong with me and went looking for where I was. He found me in the bathroom and acted quickly, successfully performing CPR.
Following that overdose experience, my physical, emotional and spiritual body felt absolutely war torn; I was a rag – completely defeated. Being driven home the next morning, the thought finally and clearly came to me – ‘I can never take drugs or alcohol again’. And I didn’t. That was 28 years ago.
As a child, I came from a very comfortable middle class family; my father was a Dermatologist and my mother dealt in antiques. As a family, we were somewhat terrorised by my father’s sensitivity to the world, as he took his inability to deal with reality, his own pain and unresolved past hurts out on his family. I was hit and abused regularly from an early age. However, my father was also a great guy and lots of people loved him, sought his counsel and praised his sense of community.
This was all a bit confusing for a young girl – how could everything within one person be so opposite? How could I love him and hate him all at the same time?
This foundation was to follow me throughout my life – not only the duality of behaviour but my constant questioning of the contradictions, the hypocrisy, the cover-ups, the lies and the corruption of not only my world, but the greater world. This questioning never stopped until finally one day – 16 years ago – I met someone who spoke to me without any hint of all that.
It’s not that I hadn’t looked everywhere for answers after I stopped drugs and alcohol – I had. I attended drug and alcohol programmes, I enrolled in personal development courses, I did numerous new age workshops – but nothing lasted for me. Nothing really answered ALL my questions, nor did the workshops, programs and courses quell the ‘seeking’ that was becoming a common motivator from within me.
Then I moved north to Byron Bay and I met a woman who told me about Serge Benhayon. I knew straight away that I needed to see him.
When I attended my first session with Serge there weren’t 100 light bulbs going on or a big drum roll, nor was there a huge white light pointing to his clinic and showing me the way. In fact it was all very ordinary, albeit my session with Serge was very strong and my body felt really tired afterward. No, it was a feeling of ‘I don’t know what is happening here but I need to return’ that kept me coming to see Serge and which later inspired me to start attending his presentations.
I was very slow to start but I knew that when this man spoke, it came directly from the same place that the question ‘Why do you do this to yourself, Deb?’ had come from.
16 years later now and my life has completely changed.
If ever I am part of a conversation that involves reference to an earlier time in my life, no one can believe that I lived like that!! Now I no longer even think about, let alone indulge in, addictions of any kind; I have no desire to drink or take drugs as what I have now is far more beautiful and cherished. I have very little, if any, anxiety, I am not in the habit of making extreme judgement of others – preferring to see and reflect the strength and equality in all. I don’t experience the intense anger and frustration that was a daily part of my life. My depression and chronic ailments no longer exist, I have self-love and practise self-care and I am truly confident (not the pretend, ‘asserting myself’ confident) within myself.
I have a deep appreciation for myself and for others, I have a relationship with God that is based on the fact that we are all equals and I have a purpose that I never had before. And that alone is huge, because living as I did with a total lack of purpose was what kept me in anxiety, in addiction and looking outside of myself for validation for over half of my life.
Today I know who I truly am and that I have a place in the world. I have a life that is not dependent on external validation because I know why I am here and that is an amazing statement to be able to share with the world. To know that every day I am able to live a life free of emotional needs, desired outcomes and the drive for recognition is nothing short of a miracle. And all this is thanks to the grace and love of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, who tirelessly and consistently have reflected to me, over a period of 16 years, that we are more than we have been living.
Filed under
Abuse, Addiction, Anxiety, Miracle, Self-empowerment, Universal Medicine
