Do we realise the impact relationships have on all our lives?

Relationships are part of the fabric of our everyday life and every moment we are either directly or indirectly interacting with others. It seems we tend to think of relationships as either being on one side of the line or the other. They may be amazing, invigorating, loving, joyful and fun or at the other end of the spectrum, hard work with lots of drama and conflict. It’s very easy to cap our view of relationships at this basic level without realising the richness available when we broaden the lens on how we define and value relationships.

Most people go through life in a guarded way, grouping others according to how close they come to meeting our relationship expectations. We set limits and boundaries, calculating the distance or closeness that others are allowed according to our ideals, beliefs, unspoken rules and the social norms that we carry around with us. The usual pattern is to categorise our relationships in a hierarchal fashion according to how much we love/ like/ dislike them and whether or not there is a power differential at play. We ache for that intimate relationship with a romantic partner, to have a great friend and or to be part of a close-knit family, or perhaps gain recognition from the boss – all of which offer a form of exclusivity and make us feel special. Our relationship with anyone who doesn’t measure up is relegated to an outer circle or dismissed, ignored or avoided without a second thought.

We generally drop our guard a bit with those people we feel closest to and allow them access to that inner place where we are willing to let a little more of ourselves, that spark we were born with, to be revealed. But still the relationship is conditional and the gate keeping remains on how much we allow others to truly know us from the inside out.

The self-protection walls are even more impenetrable for anyone outside of those relationships we consciously cherish. We have assessed that these outer relationships can’t be trusted as much as those in our inner group, so there is more vigilance around what others are allowed to see and know about us. Covertly we are watching others and checking for any sign of approval or rejection while doing our best to maintain the outer façade that we want the world to see.

Thus, we fall into the trap of showing degrees of transparency with people and can get caught in presenting whatever ‘face’ we feel the occasion requires. It may be the fake ‘nice’ or perhaps it will be the over polite, yet distant persona we will show the other. Perhaps we are setting out to impress some while around others, it’s a case of providing the minimal amount of interaction possible before we seek to escape. All the while this is going on, the door is open for comparison, competition and jealousy to run amok and we can easily slip into judgment and justification for where we feel someone ‘deserves’ to be ranked when it comes to our relationship with them. It’s a toxic cycle.

Yet, there is a bigger picture here to consider and that is that relationships are a type of ecosystem where absolutely everything is interrelated. Regardless of age, socio-economic status, culture, nationality, ethnicity, religious beliefs, political persuasion or gender, we are first and foremost interconnected through the fact that we are all energetic beings. Energy is constantly moving through us which carries a vibration that can be felt by others far and wide, regardless of whether we are in the physical presence of a person or not. Our every thought, word and deed makes an energetic impress on others, which means that we are in a relationship with all of humanity all of the time whether we like it or not.

Such a broadscale understanding of relationships means that when we place an emphasis and greater value on one relationship over another, we are adding to the discord that pollutes every part of our globe.

"In-truth, relationships are about growing a potential to eventually be the great love you both are. This love is then to occur equally with all others you relate to."

Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings & Revelations Volume I, ed 1, p 95

We are a package of parts – mind, body and soul - that are all meant to work in harmony together and therefore everything about us counts. It is our job to take charge of what it is that we bring both temporally and energetically to every interaction we have with another. We can’t afford to single out specific people and be prepared to sparkle and shine in their presence, but dim our light when we are around others because we’ve decided that they are less important to us and therefore, it doesn’t matter how we behave. It’s not a case of keeping the peace or people pleasing in the hope that others will love and or like us, or at the very least, we will avoid any drama.

It’s about responsibility and knowing that the moment we bring expectation, judgment and entitlement into relationships, we are capping the potential of that relationship for all concerned. There is no escape even if we try and keep our relationships shallow because we have been previously hurt or because we prefer to avoid any discomfort. Being human means that we are constantly adding something positive or negative to the group collective melting pot of what we call life here on earth.

Each relationship we have with another has its own value and purpose and it isn’t about sharing every little detail of our lives with everybody we meet, but there is room for an expanded understanding on the importance of all relationships. Have we considered that we each have unique inner qualities that simply can’t be exactly replicated and that these qualities are very precious and something that others are thirsting for?

It’s not uncommon for people to feel like a deer caught in the headlights when asked about their innate qualities because the vast majority of people have learnt from young that it’s taboo to openly love and adore yourself and share that sass with the world.

How that looks will be different from person to person but our willingness to genuinely meet others with an openness that allows them to see and feel who we are in our core is a priceless reflection for them to receive. From that exchange, they too get to feel what is there within them that is equally special. And yes, this means even the person who serves you in the shop and whom you may only have had a one-minute exchange with!

Haven’t we all had moments where we felt uplifted when a complete ‘stranger’ has taken the time to greet us with a genuine smile or kind word, even if we were only passing them on the street? Didn’t it make a difference to our next movement and just that bit easier to smile at the next person we met? This is just a snippet of what is available when we drop our guard, allow others to experience our beauty and see ourselves as being in relationship with everyone all of the time, whether that be in person or via a phone call, text message, email or social media etc. Of course, that doesn’t guarantee that everyone will respond in a warm fashion, but the more we keep ourselves steady and open, the more others can catch a glimpse of what they too have inside of them. Slowly but surely the walls of protection then start to come down and the energetic ripple effect spreads worldwide.

"All of you is the miracle the world needs."

Serge Benhayon Teachings & Revelations for The Livingness Volume III, ed 1, p 38

Let’s go back to basics and value every relationship for the enrichment on offer for us all. It doesn’t mean that people don’t still form couple partnerships and friendships etc. and neither does it mean that we accept abuse from another, but rather that we remain conscious of the greater purpose and potential on offer via a true connection with others without delineation. It’s being prepared to bring our ‘all’ to every interaction we have rather than looking to the external world for guideposts on where, what and how to fit in and be accepted. It would transform the landscape of our global society overnight as there would be no such things as relationships founded on low self-worth, obligation or to fill a need for love and acceptance. Equally, at the broader level, there would be no need for war, violence and the corruption that currently exists in plague proportions.

Instead, we would feel the love, harmony and spaciousness that are a foundation of a truly caring society with room for all to flourish in their own spectacular way.

"We need each other to see other parts of God."

Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings & Revelations Volume I, ed 1, p 76

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ConnectionEnergyEssenceRelationshipsResponsibility

  • By Helen Giles, Accredited Mental Health Social Worker, MMH (Family Therapy), Post Grad Cert Family Therapy & Counselling, M. EPA Recognised

    I love that life is amazing with every relationship offering constant drops of pure gold, whether that be in my work as a perinatal counsellor or through friends, family and others I meet in everyday life.

  • Photography: Rebecca W., UK, Photographer

    I am a tender and sensitive woman who is inspired by the playfulness of children and the beauty of nature. I love photographing people and capturing magical and joyful moments on my camera.